ENDA and The Gay Media Cabal
March 30, 2009
Transsexuals Not Covered In Hate Crimes Bill
April 6, 2009

Why Am I Doing This?

So when I was offered a blog spot I was excited but at the same time I was scared. I love to write and I’m pompous enough to believe that others give a shit about what I have to say. There’s a lot on my mind especially with everything going on this past year.

As of this month, April , I will have been transitioning for a year. It’s been a um… very interesting year. One full of heartaches and good surprises. Every once in a while I’ve asked myself. “why am I doing this?” I’m someone that has had so much tragedy and abuse in my life growing up, that as an adult I try to avoid conflict and stress. Just had enough of it for a lifetime. Yet here I am, inviting in a life that will have ostracized from family and friends. A life that almost guarantees me a hard time getting jobs. A life that kind of leaves me a second class citizen.

The answers though are always the same. This is the only life I can live. I can’t any longer stand being uncomfortable looking at myself in the mirror. Being a fraud to my friends and love ones. I was tired of seeing other women just living their lives and being filled with such jealousy, anger and depression. More importantly, I’m doing this because I have a reason to be happy.

But why write a blog? I have no idea. Maybe to express myself about my life and what I see going around me. I see a lot injustice and the more voices out there crying fowl and letting others know of this the closer we are at have equality for all. Does this make any sense? Who knows.

14 Comments

  1. LindaMarie says:

    It’s not all about wearing dresses,for me. Oh.. It is a wonderful feeling, Yes, but knowing in my heart and soul that I feel right with it and seeing the real Me.
    I have to laugh at myself sometimes because, boys clothes don’t bother me that much, it’s when I wear a flannel shirt or jeans I think it’s a lot like the “Tomboy Girl” thing. Regardless of what I am wearing… I’m still the girl underneath it all. I see things here where I live and it’s not all about wearing dresses all the time,I see the “big picture” as all the other girls and Woman dress and there not like that everyday,they dress in comfortable clothes and still look good. Just as I do. Asking myself “Why”? I have gotten over asking that question to myself. Is SRS, the “golden Ring” at the end of the ride that I have to reach for before the carousel stops? And I have to get off ! Walk away…a winner or a loser? That’s where My Question lies. Am I or will I be that much less of a Transsexual Woman without the golden Ring? Or have I accomplished or achieved who I really am as a person. The “Woman within”, the answer is “Yes”.

  2. LindaMarie says:

    It’s not all about wearing dresses,for me. Oh.. It is a wonderful feeling, Yes, but knowing in my heart and soul that I feel right with it and seeing the real Me.
    I have to laugh at myself sometimes because, boys clothes don’t bother me that much, it’s when I wear a flannel shirt or jeans I think it’s a lot like the “Tomboy Girl” thing. Regardless of what I am wearing… I’m still the girl underneath it all. I see things here where I live and it’s not all about wearing dresses all the time,I see the “big picture” as all the other girls and Woman dress and there not like that everyday,they dress in comfortable clothes and still look good. Just as I do. Asking myself “Why”? I have gotten over asking that question to myself. Is SRS, the “golden Ring” at the end of the ride that I have to reach for before the carousel stops? And I have to get off ! Walk away…a winner or a loser? That’s where My Question lies. Am I or will I be that much less of a Transsexual Woman without the golden Ring? Or have I accomplished or achieved who I really am as a person. The “Woman within”, the answer is “Yes”.

  3. It’s good to ask yourself the “why” question. I had my surgery in Nov 2005. I know that I cant count the times that I would sit down in the boiler room at work asking myself, why are you doing this Is this the right thing to do? I ran this through my head what seemed like thousands of times. I always came to the same answer. going through withtransition and finally surgery is something that needs to be right. It is a huge decision. asking “Why” is just the right thing to do. Best of luck and best wishes to all.

  4. It’s good to ask yourself the “why” question. I had my surgery in Nov 2005. I know that I cant count the times that I would sit down in the boiler room at work asking myself, why are you doing this Is this the right thing to do? I ran this through my head what seemed like thousands of times. I always came to the same answer. going through withtransition and finally surgery is something that needs to be right. It is a huge decision. asking “Why” is just the right thing to do. Best of luck and best wishes to all.

  5. instead of wearing clothes i don’t want to wear like men’s stuff.

  6. instead of wearing clothes i don’t want to wear like men’s stuff.

  7. Dressing up wearing dresses is what i like to do best, and loving it too.

  8. Dressing up wearing dresses is what i like to do best, and loving it too.

  9. LindaMarie says:

    I read your post,found it interesting to read,indeed. And I can…relate to your feelings as what your saying as well. I too..have been…transitioning for quite sometime now. Since the year 2002. And it has been quite a rollercoaster (ride) journey indeed,to say the least. And I did start at a late date in my life as well. Transitioning during my work career, DOD. And right along side (male) co-workers too on top of it all ! You want to talk about…”stress” and “conflict”… I have a whole basket full of it for you. And there is the “Family ” thing thrown in there as well. Oh ! I will tell you this,My Dear young Sister, “Hang In Their !”
    ” Don’t Give Up ! ” No matter how hard it may seem to you or how difficult it looks at times, You keep on keep’in on ! You are No Longer a fraud to your Loved ones or your friends, what you are is: “True to Yourself” and be proud of that …No matter what they say or do to you, you hold up your head and walk tall and stand straight. Because it’s all for you and about you,as the person you are.
    You no longer live a lie…to yourself or anyone else. ” To Thine own self be true” . Stay Safe Little Sister, may your Journey be a Success.
    Sincerely, LindaMarie

  10. LindaMarie says:

    I read your post,found it interesting to read,indeed. And I can…relate to your feelings as what your saying as well. I too..have been…transitioning for quite sometime now. Since the year 2002. And it has been quite a rollercoaster (ride) journey indeed,to say the least. And I did start at a late date in my life as well. Transitioning during my work career, DOD. And right along side (male) co-workers too on top of it all ! You want to talk about…”stress” and “conflict”… I have a whole basket full of it for you. And there is the “Family ” thing thrown in there as well. Oh ! I will tell you this,My Dear young Sister, “Hang In Their !”
    ” Don’t Give Up ! ” No matter how hard it may seem to you or how difficult it looks at times, You keep on keep’in on ! You are No Longer a fraud to your Loved ones or your friends, what you are is: “True to Yourself” and be proud of that …No matter what they say or do to you, you hold up your head and walk tall and stand straight. Because it’s all for you and about you,as the person you are.
    You no longer live a lie…to yourself or anyone else. ” To Thine own self be true” . Stay Safe Little Sister, may your Journey be a Success.
    Sincerely, LindaMarie

  11. Mila says:

    You have a lot of great things to say, and I know that you will inspire people to be their best.

    Hugs

    Mila

  12. Mila says:

    You have a lot of great things to say, and I know that you will inspire people to be their best.

    Hugs

    Mila

  13. Heather Cameron says:

    It’s something I wrestle with every day. Living the comfortable lie vs the perilous truth. Some – many? – can endure the profound compromise. Some of us can’t.

  14. Heather Cameron says:

    It’s something I wrestle with every day. Living the comfortable lie vs the perilous truth. Some – many? – can endure the profound compromise. Some of us can’t.

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