A New Orleans Trans Evacuee’s Story
August 29, 2011
ABC’s Primetime Nightline Focusing On Trans Kids Tomorrow
August 31, 2011

To Calpernia Addams and Andrea James: Trans Cyberbullying is Never OK

I’ve been keeping tabs on the continuing drama between Gina Grahame vs. Calpernia Addams and Andrea James and it’s getting pretty ugly. The argument seems to have blown up after an email that Grahame sent TYFA Concerning James’ work on “Likin Big Dicks“. James is a board member of TYFA and Grahame was concerned that the video wasn’t appropriate for a board member to be affiliated with. What happened  after the email was a lot of “she said, she said” posturing that a lot of internet fights devolve into.

Both sides have piles of “proof” of what has happened after the TYFA email. My natural reaction to the whole thing was to want to side with Addams and James since I know their work in the community and appreciate their past efforts. They are community icons. But a look at both Grahame’s page here and Addams’ page here, left me disturbed. It appears that they are cyber-bullying Grahame. The evidence?

Addams’ page has Grahame’s legal name plastered all over it. It’s not in dispute that Grahame has asked Addams to remove references to her legal name. Addams argues on her site that she has the right to publish Grahame’s legal name:

“‘Gina Grahame’ is the stage name used by out transsexual actress/writer, spokesmodel and public figure Gina *****. On May 31st, 2011, Gina herself posted a link in the comments of this very blog to her own public Jun 17, 2009, YouTube video of herself discussing her transition, entitled “Miss Understood by Gina Grahame, a transsexual history…“. Here, in her own words: “so that your readers can see for themselves who I am – allow me”. Gina is a public figure who often discusses her transsexualism in video, stage and print, and in this public YouTube video uploaded by Gina to her own public YouTube channel, in regards to her transsexual history she states that “the CEO of my company knows” (6m17s) and reverses an earlier “I guess” (5m54s) statement about whether anyone knows that she is trans by saying ”scratch that ‘nobody knows‘.” (6m40s). See the preceding links to hear about Gina’s transition in her own words, and as reflected in interviews and public appearances she has given to discuss it. In video, stage, print and online, by her own hand and voice, Gina has been out for years. As a side note, I would never disrespect another transsexual woman’s gender by discussing or addressing pre-transition names.”

(I’ve intentionally left out the links included in the above quote and will not publish Grahame’s legal name on this blog).

There are plenty of trans people who have “stage names” on the internet and there’s a reason for that. People want to work. Reality is that if a trans person wants to find a job outside of the one they have, the contents of a Google search of their name will have an effect on their employability. Most of us don’t live and work in the safety of a gay bubble. Many of us don’t live in liberal cities that have work place protections. We have to work to survive, and that survival is based a lot on our ability to be Google-anonymous. Addams
and James should respect the privacy of others, considering that fact.

If I dig hard enough I could find out Addam’s cell phone number and home address. In the age of the internet you can pretty much find any information you want, if you’re willing to pay for it. If I published those details about their lives, the information would be quite a bit easier to Google. If I posted their home address and cell phone numbers in response to an ongoing internet battle, would that be considered harassment? I think any reasonable person would think so. Addams is correct that you can find what you’re looking for if you dig
far enough. But the truth of the matter is that it’s not easily found unless you know where to look.

Regardless of what Addams’ and James think of Grahame’s opinions, continuing to post her legal name after she’s asked them not to seems a whole hell of a lot like cyber-bullying. Publishing her legal name doesn’t add anything to their argument. Addams has made it clear that she’d never use someone’s previous name, but this action does effectively the same thing. It strips Grahame of her ability to control her own identity.

*editor’s note: I’ve added an interview done by myself and Ethan St. Pierre on TransFM’s Sodium Pentathol Sunday. The interview guests are Mila & Jayna Ponder and Gina Grahame.

  • As the writer states, Andrea James is no stranger to cyber-bullying. Having been one of her targets some ten or more years ago this was no great surprise. While she has done good things for trans types (such as much of her web site), she has also insulted and degrade those transwomen who do not fit her model or follow her edicts. At times she has fostered hatred – and there is no other word that applies as well – against those who held a different viewpoint, or even those who dared to voice contrary opinions. Sending out her “cohorts” to “investigate” any who differed, writing abusive posts under assumed names and then using those letters as “proof” of her accusations, making false allegations and fabrications out of whole cloth – in many ways, she is a typical Republican of the dirty tricks variety. Thankfully, those who she attacked so long ago have moved on to a normal life, beyond the world of the “professional transsexuals” that James represents. For me, her rants lie in the long distant past and are of relevance only to the most dedicated of her “cohorts”.

    • I forgot to add – outing and use of former names on line is another long-standing favourite tactic of Andrea James. Her tactics also include encouraging others to attack. She did this to me long ago. And, as Patricia Cornwell’s legal tribulations (a writer who took action against a series of false accusations) have shown, legal action against a cyber-bully is generally a waste of time and energy. As I have advised other victims, the only course of action is to ignore such attacks and abuse and move on with your life, and live that life according to your standards and not those of others, particularly those of Ms. James.

  • Pingback: Andrea James believes a straight cis woman is a better choice for the GLAAD Board than queer trans women | The TransAdvocate()

  • Linda completed

    It seems trans sites are just little power plays that control freedom of speech. I have been banned for questioning morality no bullying.
    There are no ethics among trans only emotional brawls.

  • Tracyhotboi

    I would like to say I as a young boy got bullied. It made me into a person I didnt like and I had to come to terms that I had become a bully myself so I took a look at myself and made a change. I confronted ME my insecurities the whole bit it made me a better person. Oh thank you Calpernia you sold me my first pair of Versace jeans when you worked at off 5th in Nashville you were even sexy before your transition MUA!

  • Gina Grahame

    Hello everyone, it’s now been two weeks since I offered the
    olive branch to Calpernia, Andrea, and TYFA – I removed everything related to this issue from my
    website and social media accounts and simply asked them
    to do the same so we could all go our separate ways. That was all they had to do to make this entire 11 month issue
    go away and keep it out of the courts. I extended the olive branch here, thru my Facebook
    account, and in the recent Trans-ponder radio broadcast.

    Given their obvious refusal to do so – in spite of statements
    on Calpernia’s website, in her original attack emails, and claimed by her
    supporters on this very thread –I am rescinding the olive branch they choose to
    throw on the floor.

    • While I think that is an admirable  thing to do Gina  it is rather long after the response attack, the radio programs, the melodrama. This article,  though I’m sure it was not intended to be, is highly offensive and has been held in the limelight  here for far too long. Was rescinding all those things part of the Olive Branch or was the deleting a  single response page in the center of  the swirling media campaign enough ? Might have been worth considering. 

      Here is the thing to me. Those trans children are still there and in all this they did nothing to you. Had there been misallocations of funds or something bad traceable to Andrea James I would have understood but it was a weapon. And it shouldn’t be.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  To me pulling your money out was fine, making a media spectacle of it had one single motive. Time to stop. 

      Personally I think you two should have tried to work this out. If not for yourselves, for the good of the community. I think that can still be achieved but someone has to reach out , it’s not just one page , it’s all this. You realize that Marty ?  

      If you think that you alone were damaged you are wrong. Rodney King said it best. “Can’t we all just get along?”

      • Gina Grahame

        I never said I alone
        was damaged. If the kids have suffered, it is not my fault. I was a private donor
        who was sent a private email the Executive Director out of concern for the
        children and for the charity itself.  Perhaps
        the kids should ask why a Board Member gave the letter(s) to someone outside
        the charity and then just watched (at minimum) as a smear campaign targeting one of their supporters was propagated, and the charity itself was negatively thrust
        into the public eye.

        • “ Perhaps the kids should ask why a Board Member gave the letter(s) to someone outside”

          The kids? I think the kids shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. 

  • GinaGrahame

    Hello Ladies  &
    Gents, this is Gina Grahame. I’m here to let everyone know I’ve done my part to make
    this all go away and keep all sides, including TYFA, out of the courts . I have
    deleted all pages and references of this issue and the parties involved from my
    website and social network accounts. If Calpernia, Andrea, and Kim really want
    this to go away, as say they claim they do, all they need do is the same. Or
    they can choose to escalate the issue – where this goes from here is completely within their
    control.

  • Nicola

    Bullying is bullying. This is not the first time that trans women who disagree with the Calpernia-Andrea partnership have been outed and their real birthnames and addresses published on their website. They really should know better. With power comes responsibility!

    • Little

      Really, have proof of that?

    • I do so agree, Nicola. As to proof, ah! That is a very long story…

  • I am always uncomfortable and dubious of any adversarial discussion where only one side is present and can speak unchallenged. The person or persons being attacked never has an opportunity to answer the accusation and/or defend themselves.  That mp3 makes me think that Calpernia and Andrea are in the wrong. Then I read the story on Calpernia’s web site and I thought Gina was at fault. So here is my opinion blog…..
    There are three sides to every story… yours, hers, and The TRUTH!
    And until you sit down and agree to some sort of arbitration, in or out of court,
    we will never know what really happened, because we were not there. It’s “she said, she said”
    Personally, I don’t care what silliness  Calpernia and Andrea get up to with their entertainment film company. At the end of the day  TYFA and Kim do amazing excellent work. I will not stop donating to TYFA because of my personal opinion of Calpernia and Andrea, or Gina for that matter.   So,….
    Please work this out ladies, either berry the hatchet or someone file a law suit ,sue the other one,and either win, or lose. Either way put it behind you and get back to helping trans kids.
    It’s september, back to school time. If you truly believe that the kids come first, then prove it ladies. Put your money where your mouth is.

  • I am always uncomfortable and dubious of any adversarial discussion where only one side is present and can speak unchallenged. The person or persons being attacked never has an opportunity to answer the accusation and/or defend themselves.  That mp3 makes me think that Calpernia and Andrea are in the wrong. Then I read the story on Calpernia’s web site and I thought Gina was at fault. So here is my opinion blog…..
    There are three sides to every story… yours, hers, and The TRUTH!
    And until you sit down and agree to some sort of arbitration, in or out of court,
    we will never know what really happened, because we were not there. It’s “she said, she said”
    Personally, I don’t care what silliness  Calpernia and Andrea get up to with their entertainment film company. At the end of the day  TYFA and Kim do amazing excellent work. I will not stop donating to TYFA because of my personal opinion of Calpernia and Andrea, or Gina for that matter.   So,….
    Please work this out ladies, either berry the hatchet or someone file a law suit ,sue the other one,and either win, or lose. Either way put it behind you and get back to helping trans kids.
    It’s september, back to school time. If you truly believe that the kids come first, then prove it ladies. Put your money where your mouth is.

    • Little

      I absolutely and completely agree. 

  • Little

    archive*org/details/SodiumPentatholSunday-InterviewWithGinaGrahame

    What an incredibly  one sided  response .  Gina even admits that her name is on the web.  Gina saying there is “side taking”  without allowing  the  fair response completely eliminates  any  credibility. Gina Grahame is a public figure. She advertises herself as transsexual, she posts on transsexual websites, promotes transsexuals  she is not stealth. And her claiming to be stealth is really an insult to stealth transsexual women.  Gina continues what she started , to push her desire to have Andrea removed from the board and now that she is no longer a donor it’s not an  issue.

    That said, I am glad Gina is no longer a donor. Issue over.

    • Tired

      so much for ‘For the Kids’..  but I guess that is catchier than ‘For Promoting Kim and Andrea’s Celebrity Status’.

      Wsing your definition of public figure, shouldn’t your entire life be open for judgement and posting since you’ve made so many comments here?

      Calpernia and Andrea knew Grahame’s weakness was her gender history.. What’s yours?..

      • Little

        We haven’t a clue about Gina’s personal life, nor does anyone care. So you think  having an opinion  on a website qualifies as being a “public figure” ?  Well that is a first. One has to ask if one were actually concerned about being out, transnews websites, trans web radio shows, you tube video’s. .  .  . .  I’m just not seeing stealth here.

        Gina’s weakness  was not her gender history. It was here activism while wanting to be stealth. My weakness ? Cheeto’s. 

  • Pingback: What’s in a name? | translabyrinth()

  • Anonymous

    Drama drama drama drama drama…and all of it is unnecessary.

    • Anonymous

      I agree it’s unnecessary.

      • Little

        Then why did you feed it?

  • Anonymous

    Jayna and Mila Pavlin will also be on the show to speak to this as well.

  • Anonymous

    FYI, Gina Grahame will join Ethan, Jenna and I to talk about this tonight on TransFM.org .

    • Little

      The link doesn’t work Marti, is it phone in?

      • Anonymous

        You can listen to the interview on archive.org. I’ve posted it in the post itself at the end with an editors note.

        • Little

          Sorry, I can’t find it , you get taken to the wayback but there is no link. 

          Sadly , I  would have like to have seen Andrea James included, at least.  

    • Little

      transfm. squarespace. com

      Feeding the drama, here is the link. 

  • Little

    Lunch time. By the way , one thing has always puzzled me Marti . These women who say they are no longer transsexual, they are just women. Do you ever wonder why “stealth” and not out  people would you  hang around transsexuals so much ? Talk endlessly about transsexuals, publicly and on video ? Bring massive publicity to themselves in disputes with transsexuals ?  Just a little thing that was puzzling me because I’m often hearing them say how they have these wonderful non trans lives, yet they are always on about TS. 

    • Anonymous

      This isn’t what the blog post is about, please stay on topic.

      • Little

        It’s completely on topic and you know it. Your charge of “cyber bullying”  only stands if  this was an actual case of outing. That is based on the false assumption that Gina was not ever posting under her real name. Not only was she posting under her real name but on the site of a known transsexual Aleisha Breivard. This is in 2009. If she was so concerned why was shoe posting on the site of a transsexual USING HERE REAL NAME!?  

        • Little

          A search of her real name would have found those comments without even using the words transsexual or Breivard.

          • Tired

            Not true. Please provide the links that show Gina ‘s legal name on postings and videos.

          • Little

            Read my next reply. I’m tired of repeating myself.

          • Tired

            Still waiting for the links… yawn…

          • Tired

            Still waiting for the links… yawn…

          • Little

            Ive told you Marti wont allow links. It gets sent for moderation and doesn’t get posted.

          • Tired

            Thanks! ..I see the link , and I see the name.  But how does that connect to Grahame?..

          • Little

            Haven’t seen Ginas vids with Aleisha ? 

          • Little

            superkawaiimama*com*au/2009/06/04/style-icon-aleshia-brevard/

  • Little

    At this point Marti  I would like you to prove that the name was obtained by that email. Please name your source. 

    “ simple Googling of “Aleshia Brevard +Gina” (her creative partner) reveals several instances of a “Gina Gxxxx” based in San Francisco posting supportive comments about out transsexual actress Aleshia Brevard and uploading some images relating to Aleshia’s autobiography on Amazon. From there, it was a short leap to guess and confirm that “Gina Grahame” was the stage name of Gina Gross, the legal name under which Gina has posted both on the aforementioned articles of transsexual interest and accompanying her photo and personal information on publicly available professional websites.”

    • Little

      You might want to edit that 🙂

      • Little

        It is indeed true that   Gina was posting on the web under her real name in 2009.  

        • Tired

          Where?.. Please provide the link

          • Little

            Tell Marti to publish it.

          • Tired

            got it – still don’t get how the connection between that post and Grahame was made.  And I’m done with this thread; it’s repetitive, doesn’t concern me, and I really don’t care what happens to any of them.

          • Little

            superkawaiimama*com*au/2009/06/04/style-icon-aleshia-brevard/

    • Anonymous

      Why would an employer search for Aleshia Brevard? The answer is they wouldn’t.

      • Little

        Really ? They  have done YouTube video’s together . 

        • Anonymous

          You seem to want to debate whether or not that Gina was out or not online. That shouldn’t even be up for debate. If I ask (as catkisser has done in this thread and I will comply with) that my legal name not be used, it’s just common decency to honor that.  What you’re doing is trying to justify their vindictiveness. There’s no reason, other than to be vindictive, to use her legal name. None. You’re debating about another person’s right to own their own identity.

          • Grace

            Mzmartipants, after reading all of these posts I’m changing my opinion regarding  this matter with the new information gleaned.  If it’s found to be true Gina cannot hide behind an expectation of privacy if it is discovered that she engaged in criminal Extortion or Blackmail.  Not only can Calpernia file a an Anti-SLAPP suit motion but  Gina’s alleged criminal conduct is an absolute defense to a cause of action of breach of privacy.  

          • Tired

            maybe this is a matter better left to the courts and the facts…

          • Little

            Definitely.  A resolution would require 2 adults.

          • Little

            Actually , no, I”m not debating  her outness, I think I’ve proved that intentional or not, she was out online. The  title of your blog is ”
            To Calpernia Addams and Andrea James: Trans Cyberbullying is Never OK”. That makes the assumption that what they did was “cyberbullying” . A conviction before a trial and without equal access for rebuttal  for both sides. I’m trying to provide the balance you blog title has lost.

            You think I hate Gina? Or I’m bias because Callie is a friend? If the positions were reversed I would say the same. You have made accusations of inappropriate use of charity email but I’ve seen no acknowledgment from any party involved that this was so. Unless you have proof this was done the way you say it fails the credibility test

             Unfortunately an email sent to a charity slagging one of the board members does not come with anyones promise of silence. Was there a notice on that email saying “DONT SHARE MY ADDRESS WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF THE BOARD !”?  No , of course not, Gina sent it knowing it was addressing charity business. It was not a personal letter to Kim , it was to the head of the Trans Youth group , it was from a donor to a charity  and  involved one of the board members and as such was not even qualified to be “private. James had the absolute right to know who and where her accuser was coming from. Bullying?  What is using your donation status to get someone kicked off the board? 

            This donor put Ms James morality in question and she had every right to know who she was and investigate hers. Despite the fact you are for using peoples  real work to shame them out of jobs (which I find sad ) it is no more than McCarthism. Calpernia Addams was the real target, not Andrea. There is evidence enough of Gina’s attacks to show she was already full of hate for Calpernia  that this was no more than an extenuation of that. 

            Last time, why is someone not out posting on TS websites, doing films talking about TS and hanging around TS’s ? If she is not out I don’t know who is. And while many people lose jobs for being TS, lots of us don’t. She is a public figure now. 

          • Tired

            Hey Little, no one is questioning Andrea seeing the email sent to TYFA. The question is how did Calpernia get a copy of it and why is she posting in on her blog?..if you actually read Calpernia’s blog you’d see the TYFA email is right there and she says Andrea gave it to her. HEL-LO?!..

          • Little

            Actually Calpernia openly stated that was not where she got the name. I’ve seen no acknowledgment from her stating otherwise . Why is someone not out posting on TS websites, doing films talking about TS and hanging around TS’s ? If she is not out I don’t know who is. And while many people lose jobs for being TS, lots of us don’t. She is a public figure now and has been since 2009. 

          • Tired

            So people in stealth should not do anything to help next gen or public understanding?

          • Little

            Wasn’t what I said. To be stealth is to no longer be in a community you say that you no longer belong in. Why would you run around posting your real name to websites of famous transsexuals ? What is stealth to you ?

          • Tired

            Good point. Grahame was obviously stupid for donating to TYFA and other GLBT charities in the first place. Obviously she didn’t get the memo that’s it only acceptable to be out and ask others to give as opposed to being Google Anonymous and actually giving.

          • Little

            No, she isn’t stupid,  please don’t put words in my mouth like that. . It has nothing to do with being out or in. Gina is not stealth.Giving is great,if you remember that it is not about your politics. There wasn’t a reason in the world to even question Andreas presence on the board. You can’t accuse  member of the board of being a pornographer and expect no response. The minute Gina Grahame opened her mouth the person she accused has a perfect right to investigate here in the same way.Gina was out.

          • Little

            Perhaps your blog should have said “Shame on you for being vindictive Calpernia!”.  Instead you made serious accusations based on heresay. If you had been an actual “friend”  to Callie as you said you would have listened to both sides and not picked one. It’s hard to do but you can if you try. The question really is, did this blog help or make things worse by fueling the gossip. Now we have two icons with smeared reps. I think it is time you put things in perspective. 

    • Tired

      Little, yo keep referencing several instances of Gina’s legal name being on videos and comments, but never provide the links. Cmon already, put up or shut up!

      • Little

        Marti’s system  first pulls any post with a link in it off for moderation and she never approves them. I’ve made attempts at posting them before , she wont allow it. Go to Calpernia’s blog, go down to where she supplies Ginas  full name being on Alieshia Brevards TRANSSEXUAL  website. Then you can do the same, shut up.

        • Anonymous

          Little:
          1. I’ve checked link moderation and I see no links from you and I’ve not deleted any comments of yours. Saying I have is a lie.

          2. You will not be disrespectful here. Debate and disagreement are fine, but when you are telling others to “shut up”, that’s where I draw the line. If you do it again, I’ll ban you.

          • Little

            First , this was what I was responding to. Quoting :

            “Then you can do the same, shut up.”- Tired

            My response was to someone telling me to “shut up” Apparently that is not a universal rule for you . Second, the link I posted  4 times through your little captcha system that said it was sent for moderation.  To say I’m lying is a poor response to someone who apparently can’t get a link to even work on their site.  Somewhere in your system are my posts. Till you find them I will attempt to post the disected versions for you to reassemble.   Lets see if they go through shall we ?

            superkawaiimama*com*au/2009/06/04/style-icon-aleshia-brevard/

          • Little

            Sorry , Tireds actual statement  I was responding to.

            “ Cmon already, put up or shut up!”-Tired

            Did you actuall read there post or jump straight to mine?

          • Little

            On the site posted you can see Gina’s real name posting on Alieshia’s book abou being a transsexual in Hollywood. That is 2009

          • Anonymous

            Little, sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this comment. I’m working on this with a migraine. I apologize. But in the future if you’re using something like that, please use quotes?

          • Little

            Will do. I’m not here to insult anyone.  I’m sorry you have a migraine. I know how bad those can be. This is not a good issue to meet people on. Calpernia  has been a support for me since 2003. She has been and remains a person of exceptional character. I think if she actually believed that any harm would come to Gina , or that she was not out then  she would not have posted it . I understand now Gina is your friend and we both have people who are suffering . Rather than trying to shame anyone into capitulation I hope that they can meet, exchange the words required and retire both their sites. 

            What I fear is a further escalation and more damage done to everyone. I’m not sure what is to be gained beyond hardening the walls of the fortresses. That we cannot have these two adults sort their differences is a poor example for our community. Perhaps we are too damaged. 

            Hope you feel better. 

        • Tired

          I see Cal’s claim, but no evidence of where it exists on Aleshia Brevard’s site… Do you have evidence Grahame’s legal name is there or Is Cal saying it your evidence?

  • Pot kettle black…..

    I blog under a couple of nicknames even though pretty much anyone who has been around a number of years knows my actual name.  Still, it has also been widely known that I have been cyber stalked for years by an asshole attorney trying to use anything I write anywhere under any name to muddy the waters in a long ongoing lawsuit I am involved in for religious freedom.

    Sandeen, Helms, Roberts and Dorsay have all outed my actual name despite this over and over.

    It’s the action of scum sucking toads regardless of who does it because it is always done to cause actual real life harm to another.

    • Anonymous

      Catkisser, I wasn’t aware that you didn’t want people knowing your name. That being said, you once chastised me for using the informal nickname for your name and I now use that in response to you where applicable. I know a lot more about you than your name, that I’ve neither revealed or will ever reveal. Bottom line is that we should debate and disagree on Ideas and words, not on peoples lives.

  • Little

    Aria Blue.

    Now this is the Calpernia I
    Submitted by Gina Grahame on November 23, 2010 – 2:12pm.
    Now this is the Calpernia I know!… while the original article was an articulate plea for tolerance, your repsonses to Michelle reveal the denagrading, attacking, and familiar tone of too many nights spent on a drag stage.

    Bored indeed
    Submitted by Gina Grahame on November 26, 2010 – 11:25am.
    Yes Calpernia, you are a legend in your own mind. Apparantly anyone who doesn’t fall at your feet is somehow jealous and a freak while you – the gods chosen vessel and holder of the ‘mirror mirror on the wall – remain this community’s only hope for mass acceptance. And please, do start yawning; I’m sure that’s far more likely to sell than your singing.

    Anna-Elizabeth, right on Woman!Submitted by Gina Grahame on November 23, 2010 – 2:27pm.Well said Anna-Elizabeth! Well said indeed. Too many activists today seem to believe their own press and live under the notion that ‘she who talks loudest,wins’.If you ever feel the need for ally, you have one in me.

    • Anonymous

      reposting other blogs without context? Or links. Or commentary. What’s your point?

      • Little

         Grahame’s  agenda is quite clear. 

        • Tired

          Not as clear as yours.. You condemn Grahame for making comments, but do not hold Calpernia to the same standard. If Calpernia can’t take criticism she shouldn’t post things publicly (duh!) if Cal doesn’t like Grahame’s performance why doesn’t she just comment on Grahame’s videos?

          • Little

            Mine ?  I dont condemn Grahame for anything but using her money to  create a false premise to fire someone for helping Calpernia. There wwere no issues with James being on the board at all, she created them .Calpernia can take care of herself and I doubt she would take trans political issues to Grahames video’s  unless there was an honest intellectual discussion. Grahames insults were personal, not based on debate. 

            Honestly I would love to see Calpernia  and Gina  debate the issues in person.

    • Tired

      Wow. I wonder what Calpernia said to evoke such a reaction.. And who’s AnnaElizabeth?..what did she say and what did Calpernia say to her?.. CONTEXT PLEASE!

      • Little

        Calpernia’s article online for Psychology Today  where one of Aria Blue’s minions ( a Classic Transsexual or Transsexual Taliban  as they are called) launches into a full scale attack on Calpernia Addams , followed up oddly by Gina Grahame applauding the attack and adding her own insults. Many of us in the community have wondered who these people are. I think that has been answered. 

  • Anonymous

    Now you are professing bogus ingenuousness of the interconnections between the LGB and the T?  You’re pretending that trans people aren’t heavily intersected socially with LGB society?  Your argument seems to be based on pretending that you do not know what you must know.
     
    A LOT of trans women didn’t transition like I did, directly to the medical establishment; many trans women started out in the Gay community, just as many trans men started out in the Lesbian community.   By my count, about half of the trans women in the local scene are lesbians.  Some are pansexual. 
     
    And as far as I’ve seen, only the HBSers are of the opinion that trans women who have transistioned to a heterosexual post-operative outcome are “straight.”  I transitioned to a heterosexual post-operative outcome and I hardly consider myself “straight,” I consider myself LGBT all the way.
     
    This is sort of a derail though, since it’s plainly obvious that TYFA is an LGBT-centered org.  The Vice President also serves on the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Foundation Board, the Secretary writes on gay marriage issues in various publications, and their advisors are members of groups such as the Matthew Shepard Foundation, PFLAG, and other LGBT Equality orgs.
     
    That’s an LGBT-centered org that serves trans kids.  There is no separate T, sorry, there never has been and hopefully never will be.

    • Anonymous

      I know of exactly one trans woman that self identified as a gay man before transitioning and that’s Rebecca Nay. Do me a favor, ask Addams how she identifies….since she’s said in multiple places she is straight. 

      But none of that matters, as TYFA serves families of gender variant children. They don’t advocate for marriage equality, trans rights, or anything other the safety and security of the children.

      • Anonymous

        I’m sure you’re right that you only know of one trans woman that self identified as a gay man before transitioning, because you don’t go to the places where poverty class transgender women go.  I’m sure you wouldn’t likely be found in a place like Martuni’s or the Power Exchange even if they had places like that where you live.  Lemme tell you, a LOT of the trans women I know who do sex work sure as heck started out as lovely twinks in the Gay community.

  • Little

    And that wasn’t the video Jennifer. 

  • Not Anoldfriend

    You can always tell a lot about someone by the company they keep.
    I title this one “In The Company of Autogynophilles the Story of Ardenia James.

  • Little

    Oh and one last thing not published here. Gina Grahame pulled her contributions out of the Trans Kids group to punish Callie Addams. I think that makes a greater statement about what is going on here than anything said so far. Now I’m done.

    • Anonymous

      And she has that right! Or are you into dictating where and how people donate their own money?

      • Little

        I could care less if she donates at all, I’m glad she pulled out. I”m  not into people who constantly brag about their donations or the size of those donations. Using innocent children as weapons is vulgar.

  • Anonymous

    Ah… so we’re once again back to facts vs. popular activist…

    Must we have this discussion every week?

    • Anonymous

      That’s the thing. I’ve criticized publicly some activists that I call friends.  Criticism isn’t something someone should fear.

      • Little

        You contributed to a gossip war, nothing more. Friends ? Remind me never to be “friends” with you.

  • Anonymous

    Let’s see, Gina Grahame sends a concern troll letter to try to get a trans woman she doesn’t like kicked off of the Board of an organization her intended target volunteers for, based on a slut shaming argument for fuck’s sake, and she has the nerve to act like she’s been outed for no reason when someone did a little web search and found out she’s no stranger to the stage at the drag club and pointed out that the platform sandal was on the other foot too?
     
    If Gina Grahame doesn’t want to have tales told out of school about her then maybe she shouldn’t be telling tales out of school herself.  She’s a tattletale who had the tables turned on her for a change.  She was trying to bully Andrea James and got bopped on her own nose her own self.  It’s one thing for us to offer our opinions on the Web anonymously, and quite another to go around trying to have people in our own community shunned by using slut shaming tactics on them.
     
    What Gina Grahame did was try to take direct action to get a trans woman fired from a volunteer organization’s Board.  That’s not speech, that’s action.    Speech deserves the shield of anonymity, but direct hostile action does not.

    • Anonymous

      Slut shaming? That phrase exists because of society’s shared public perceptions.  Pointing out that might effect TYFA’s bottom line is SMART.

      • Anonymous

        TYFA is an LGBT-centered organization, the people who are donating are not stuffy church folks but rather people who are either LGBT themselves or who have and accept LGBT family members.  The only reason Gina Grahame objected to Ms. Adams’ music video was because it was “gay” and therefore “suggestive.” 
         
        If it’s “smart” to try to get Andrea James kicked off the Board, then it must be “smart” for employers not to hire us trans women because we might drive away the customers.  After all, we’re considered a bunch of sex perverts, and public perception sets our reality and our course through that reality, right?  OK, so maybe it wasn’t so “smart” after all to use homophobia and slut shaming tactics in this case. 

        Wrong is wrong no matter how “smart” it might seem to someone who has Expediency as her highest virtue.

        • Anonymous

          TYFA isn’t an LGBT org, as they advocate for trans kids only.

          • Anonymous

            And many trans kids are LGB.  How does a focus on the T somehow exclude an org from being LGBT-centered?

          • Anonymous

            So if a child is also autistic and African-American, TYFA’s then a LGBT/Autism/African-American organization? No.

          • Little

            Trans Youth Families. -“Now in its fifth year of supporting families that have gender variant, gender non-conforming, and transgender children.” ‘

            TRANSGENDER, GENDER VARIANT, ALL INCLUSIVE! Sorry, that would include gay boys who are effeminate too. Tell us when you get a “transsexual only ” group. 

          • Anonymous

            Talk to Kim. I have.  She supports children to be who they are.  That being said you’re conflating gender and sexual orientation. Maybe she needs to give you a trans101?

          • Little

            Those were taken from Kims  site and I could give you trans101 backwards so your being patronizing is just irritating. The  problem with people like you Marti is you have  such a narrow minded point of view you think gender variant children come in a one flavor package. Sad that fantasy must die.

          • Little

            Trans 101. You need to read Richard Greens “The Sissy Boy Syndrome: The Development of Homosexuality”. Effeminate boys diagnosed with childhood GID , 80% of who grew up to be gay.

          • Jenn Burleton

            You do realize that Richard Green’s book has been responsible (along with the work of Kenneth Zucker, George Rekers and Joseph Nicolosi) for the multi-decade psychological abuse of gender non-conforming boys, don’t you? Or perhaps you don’t… perhaps there are other subtleties about gender identity, gender expression, gender perception and sexual orientation that you don’t fully understand. No one who supports these kids would EVER quote “The Sissy Boy Syndrome”. But of course, this will turn into an “more trans than thou” conversation, so I’m withdrawing from it now.

          • Jenn Burleton

            You do realize that Richard Green’s book has been responsible (along with the work of Kenneth Zucker, George Rekers and Joseph Nicolosi) for the multi-decade psychological abuse of gender non-conforming boys, don’t you? Or perhaps you don’t… perhaps there are other subtleties about gender identity, gender expression, gender perception and sexual orientation that you don’t fully understand. No one who supports these kids would EVER quote “The Sissy Boy Syndrome”. But of course, this will turn into an “more trans than thou” conversation, so I’m withdrawing from it now.

          • Little

            Withdraw all you want for whatever fantasy reason you want. You haven”t understood a thing I was saying. I wasn’t advocating Green at all, I was documenting the fact that gender nonconforming children are not always transsexual aand the “experts” couldn’t tell the difference. You start spouting like this is some kind of  promotion of Zucker or Nicholosi and it was exactly the opposite.  It was defaming them for incompetence. 

            The misclassification of  homosexual boys as being transsexual is a classic misuse   .Oh Jenn, the book I could write. My study of this are goes so far deeper than you could ever fathom. Marti is wrong, gender nonconforming kids are not always transsexual.

          • Grace

            OK mzmartipants TYFA is an LGBT (lower case, small, little ‘t’) organization to be exact. 

      • Anonymous

        Oh, and since when is misogyny “smart?”  Do you understand anything about feminism?  Slut shaming is a tactic used against women and it is an odious practice in every case.

        • Anonymous

          Pointing out realities in society, be they good or bad is smart. Bottom line is that if a group wants to smear TYFA, this video makes it easy.

          • Anonymous

            So I take it you’re fine with slut shaming as a tactic?  You do realize that it’s playing on the same puritan “ethic” as sending an email to a straight org saying “You do know that your Board member XYZ is one of them transsexual preverts, right?”  The very same people who would respond to the former would respond to the latter.  Why would you agree with someone who tried to get a trans woman fired by appealing to the same sensibility as the people who tried to get Amanda Simpson’s appointment canceled?

          • Anonymous

            No, I’m not ok with it. But I don’t have some pie in the sky, EDU type of utopian outlook. The reality is that we live in a world dominated by misogyny and fear. If you’re an organization that depends on donors the way TYFA does,  it’s a good idea to not purposely put yourself in the gun-site of the wacko right wings.   

          • Anonymous

            No, I’m not ok with it. But I don’t have some pie in the sky, EDU type of utopian outlook. The reality is that we live in a world dominated by misogyny and fear. If you’re an organization that depends on donors the way TYFA does,  it’s a good idea to not purposely put yourself in the gun-site of the wacko right wings.   

          • Little

            So cave  to  rightwing terrorists?  Exactly how many right wing wacko groups do you think are going to donate to a Trans Youth program Marti ?! I feel like you are playing with us , it’s ridiculous.

        • Jenn Burleton

          I have a question. Under what circumstance would it be acceptable for someone to question a trans woman’s judgement? Ever? Or are all women of trans experience automatically above reproach? Is it possible for a woman of trans experience (or someone who advocates for trans people) to exercise bad judgement and subsequently be called on it? I’m just wondering… because that is part of being human, and we are, after all, human beings last time I checked.

        • Jenn Burleton

          I have a question. Under what circumstance would it be acceptable for someone to question a trans woman’s judgement? Ever? Or are all women of trans experience automatically above reproach? Is it possible for a woman of trans experience (or someone who advocates for trans people) to exercise bad judgement and subsequently be called on it? I’m just wondering… because that is part of being human, and we are, after all, human beings last time I checked.

          • Anonymous

            Please don’t try to be a cutey-pie with me rhetorically, it sickens me.  Obviously I’ve called out a trans woman in this thread for her behavior.  The person in the wrong here was Gina Grahame, for taking her running feud with Calpernia Addams over to TYFA’s board and trying to get Andrea James kicked off the Board there for the horrible crime of associating with Calpernia Addams when Gina Grahame doesn’t approve of Ms. Addams.
             
            Know how I can tell who is in the wrong here?  Because Gina Grahame punished TYFA for something Calpernia Addams wrote, and Ms. Addams has no connection to TYFA or their Board, she has merely associated in the past with one of the Board members.  It’s really easy to see who the villain in this little drama is, because she’s got a vendetta against one trans woman and has collectively punished an entire Trans youth organization in order to get at her through her acquaintance on the Board there.

          • Tired

            So you’re saying Gina has a vendetta with Calpernia, and her action is to contact a charity that has no association with Calpernia?.. Seriously?

          • Little

            Her attacks on Calpernia are documented. Andrea James is Calpernia’s business partner. Seriously.

    • Confused

      Would it be slut slamming and worthy of public attack if the author of the email to TYFA had been any other donor or someone not trans ?

      • Anonymous

        Yes, though I’m not sure where you’re going with this.  If Gina Grahame was a straight male fishmonger from Portland it would still be slut shaming to send an email to TYFA  suggesting that Andrea James isn’t right for their board because she operated the camera in a racy music video.  It’s a female victim who is being slut shamed for alleged immorality, who cares about the taxonomical classification of the person doing the slut shaming?

        • Jenn Burleton

          There is a significant point of this that is being (perhaps intentionally) missed or ignored by some. It’s all well and good for us, as adults, to have this sexual/social political discussion about the issue of marginalizing, denigrating or shaming female identified people based on the choices they make with regard to their livelihood, pastimes, passions or interests. I will stand alongside ANYONE, anytime to defend a woman’s right to not have their legal and ethical personal choices used against them in court of public opinion.

          However, this is not a one-dimensional discussion. Much as what happens in virtually ALL trans-related identity/equality discussions, the needs or the youngest and most vulnerable members of the trans population are left either unaddressed, or as collateral damage along the roadside.

          There are realities to public messaging. There are realities to public advocacy work. There are realities to public messaging and advocacy work on behalf of children. There are stereotypes to overcome and messages that need to be delivered LOUD AND CLEAR, with as much transparency and as little distraction as possible. The 5,6 and 7 year old trans masculine, trans feminine and gender non-conforming children I work on behalf of every day don’t give a damn about “slut shaming” or “transgender vs. transsexual” or “pre-op/post-op”. You know what they care about? My ability and the organization I serve’s ability to EFFECTIVELY advocate for their needs without getting caught up in discussions about sexual orientation, sexual attractions, trans-adult identity politics, gender as a contruct vs. gender as innate, etc.

          Unlike some, I am perfectly capable of separating MY needs as an adult, with political feelings, social needs and human rights passions from the REALITY of working to serve transgender children and youth, most of whom have cisgender, hetero-normative parents who are having a hard enough time grasping what their child is going through without having to deal with Andrea James absolute right to handle the photography on a sexually charged video starring Ms. Calpernia Addams.

          I deal with both public and anonymous donors EVERY DAY in my role as Executive Director of TransActive. These people are the life-blood of the work we do. As donors, they have not only A RIGHT to know how their donations are being spent, but a responsibility to challenge the organization to remain true to the mission of the organization and the ethics of being a children and youth services agency. They also have EVERY RIGHT to express their concerns directly to me and to expect that those concerns will remain confidential.

          I suspect that there are a great many things Ms. Grahame and I would disagree on with regard to trans politics, terminology, etc. We could probably argue (respectfully, I hope) late into the night about Virginia Prince, transsexual vs. transgender, “stealth” vs. “transgender Borg” and whatever other identity du jour issue we could think of. But there is one thing we would NOT argue about… her ABSOLUTE RIGHT to raise a concern about the negative impact that TYFA board member Andrea James’ decision to participate in that video could have on the work of advocating for trans and gender non-conforming children and youth.

          There is another thing we would not find disagreement on, and that is her right to be feel both damaged and outraged by the failure to protect her confidentiality and the lack of responsiveness on the part of the organization to public attacks made on her by a third-party who should have had no access to that private communication whatsoever.

          While I love working on behalf of trans and gender non-conforming children, I have very little patience for childish arguments, accusations of someone being a “tattle tale” and selective trans-infighting by self-centered adults who should know better. Grow up… it’s not about you.

          • Anonymous

            Actually those young kids DO care about “slut shaming,” since it’s quite often employed by schoolmates against gender-non-conforming children.   A mistrial was recently declared in the obviously-premeditated murder of a gender-non-conforming child (Laurence “Leticia” King) specifically due to accusations that the victim brought it on him or herself due to sexually forward behavior towards the perpetrator.  Obviously the victim-blaming and “slut shaming” goes on and has major consequences throughout a gender non-conforming person’s life. 
             
            Hey, guess what else hurts gender-non-conforming kids:  Cutting off funds to TYFA.  Why are you sticking up for the villain in this sordid tale?

          • Anonymous

            Oh, and by the way, awesome tl;dr version of “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?”  Too bad that it was Gina Grahame who cut off the funding to the children.  So you’ve mixed up two classic derailing tactics, the old “we have much more important things on our plate” plus “Think about the children” onto one platter and then drenched it in the weaksauce of “I’m mature and you’re a baby, so there, neener neener neener.”
             
            I don’t care if you’re the Director of the Universe, if you believe that Gina Grahame’s Concern Troll letter was in any way a reasonable thing to do, you are 100% wrong.  The whole Gay Inc tactic of pretending “We’re Just Like You” in order to curry favor with the public isn’t working and only serves to oppress LGBT people who are out of the closet by denying that LGBT culture even exists.
             
            Oh no, Andrea James participated in making a racy music video, one that Gina Grahame made sure to describe as “a gay video.”  Obviously only heterosexual music videos are supposed to be racy.  When Britney writhed on the stage like a worm that was OK even though she was 16, but when grown-ass adults who happen to be LGBT make something of the same caliber, somehow that’s a scandal that must be reported in a Concern Troll letter!

          • Anonymous

            Um, Friday you must not be paying attention. Kim’s been using the “FOR THE KIDS” blanket for the past week or so. You’ve not proven much of anything past how illogical your comments can be.  In princessland where all the pretty ponies dance and sing all day, there’s not any homophobia or sexism. Then there’s reality. In reality, people make judgments on the work TYFA board members do. I doubt you’ll see any trans porn stars on the board of TYFA. Why is that? Secondly, you seem to presume that A. Kim’s the only person doing this work (which is FAR from the truth), and B. that Gina’s money is something that she’s required to give. It’s a donation, not a requirement.

          • Anonymous

            OMG, is gaslighting the only tool in your arsenal?  I don’t recall seeing any dancing ponies out my window last time I looked, but I do see a sarcastic slayer of straw men right here who likes to argue by waving her finger in a circle around her ear and saying “cuckoo!”

          • Anonymous

            and that’s a personal attack…so buh bye now.

          • Little

            Are you accusing Andrea James of being a porn star? That said if a adult film company were to donate money , since the emphasis is on donor wishes, would you be ok if they insisted the entire board was made of porn stars and removed Christians?  The board members are chosen based on their history in the community  and James was the perfect choice.. 

          • Little

            Dear Jenn, 

            I find the argument, that a person who brags so much about her donating , size and regularity,  somehow desiring “anonymity” humorous.  No , it is not her “absolute right”  to raise a concern about the negative impact that TYFA board member . Her actions are not  based on any moral impropriety by Andrea James, she has an untouchable record . It is  her”absolute right” to pull her donation based on hatred of that board members business partner and friend as she has done.  That is what is trivial and tiresome.

            None of us in the community care about your false morality, or your judgements of people like Calpernia. While it is not your path they have earned the right to expect at minimum the respect any hard working ,  tax paying citizen does and  not the  continuation of transphobic, sexist double standards that  is such a throwback  to the 50’s.  Whatever these kids have n their future there is nothing in your poor example that would make them feel anything but fearful of your narrow minded and one sided argument. 

          • Anonymous

            “None of us in the community care about your false morality, or your
            judgements of people like Calpernia. While it is not your path they have
            earned the right to expect at minimum the respect any hard working ,
             tax paying citizen does and  not the  continuation of transphobic,
            sexist double standards that  is such a throwback  to the 50’s.
             Whatever these kids have n their future there is nothing in your poor
            example that would make them feel anything but fearful of your narrow
            minded and one sided argument.

            You’re wrong, some of us do care. Some of us know that in the media that perception is reality. It’s not about how I feel about those “judgments”, but what public perception is. Those of us that do care have worked in the trenches of activism and in the public eye know this. If lets say “Concerned Women of America” launched a campaign (much as they are doing against Chaz Bono at this very moment), it would severely cripple the work that TYFA does. 

            Pointing that out doesn’t make her a villain, it makes her rational.

          • Little

            The public perception ? Marti, no one was ever going to protest the cameraperson wo helped out on a racy gay video as  being immoral. Women have to work Marti and they have already been marginalized by limited avenues. Transwomen that by 50x. There was only one thing of importance in this entire issue, that was whether Andrea was  good person. And  she is impecable , even by Gina’s standards.  Caving to this paranoia that somehow, right wingers who hate this kids were going to stop donations, sorry. Doesn’t play. 

          • Little

            And I’m not saying Gina is a villian, please dont paint my words. 

          • Tired

            Andrea James has an untouchable record?.. seriously?.. from what I see on  Google and on TSRoadMap, Grahame isn’t the first person Andrea has publicly tried to vilify, she’s just the first within the community.  Look up Alice Dreger, J. Michael Bailey, Willow Arune, and Kim Williamson of Boston School of Electrolysis just for starters!

          • Anonymous6374

            Wrong! Gina Grahame was not the first in the transgender community to be outed and smeared by Andrea James – see here http://transgender.livejournal.com/1561597.html

        • Tired

          Sorry Friday, I’ve actually read the TYFA email that Andrea gave to Calpernia (Calpernia has it posted on her blog ya know). Gina calls Andrea bright and acknowledges Andrea’s good works in the past – how is that slut slamming?.. So in your mind it’s perfectly fine for Calpernia to threatens Gina job and run her into the ground, but its a lowest form for Gina to question Andrea’s involvement in one project to a charity Gina donates to?. Is Gina not a female victim here?… And in my initial question I was not thinking of her as straight male. The person could be a straight woman, a gay male, parent of a trans child, etc – just any other donor of TYFA’s .

          • Anonymous

             I see, so if I worded a Concern Troll letter to someone’s employer carefully enough, the weasel words inside magically erase the intent of the author to get the subject of the letter fired?
             
            Don’t play games.  Calpernia Addams has documented her prior existing feud with Gina Grahame, and lo and behold, Gina writes a letter to the TYFA board in order to get a friend and colleague of Calpernia’s fired from the Board due to, drumroll please….   A Calpernia Addams video.  The intent of the letter is apparent, and that apparency is underscored by Ms. Grahame’s subsequent cutting off of TYFA.  TYFA did nothing to deserve being cut off, unless you count them answering her Concern Troll letter with a simple affirmation of their support of Andrea James’ continuing Board membership that is. 

            What does Calpernia and her slam page have to do with TYFA?  Why are you backing the villain who cut off TYFA just because it might possibly make Calpernia Addams sad?

          • Tired

            Play games?. take your blindfold off and look at the friggin’ facts in this article -C’mom,  Calpernia’s entire slam page is totally based on TYFA info Andrea James gave her! She even says so over and over.   And even if Gina was wrong to criticize Calpernia’s posted art, how do you excuse Andrea’s abuse of position as a board member? Does the end always justify the means in your world?

          • Little

            Actually it wasn’t based on the article at all, it was based on Grahames history of harassment  of Calpernia. The pretense that Grahame was not out and an activist, that Grahame doesn’t have a history of harassment of Calpernia, that Andrea wasn’t targeted because she was Calpernia’s friend , that a letter sent based on Trans Youth business about a member of the board and is somehow even  covered by personal privacy rule is  ridiculous. Even if Calpernia and Andrea admitted  outright , right now, this was where Gina’s  name came from, which they haven’t  , even if you believe that this was somehow breaking a sacred trust once Gina questioned Andrea’s morality for having worked on an adult vide as a CAMERA PERSON  Grahame opened herself up to a response in kind. In business email there are no privacy laws  let alone  one that excludes a board member responding to slanderous insinuations about a persons character.

            Your assumption that that would even be  abuse of a postion , ore that James and her business partner have to suffer attacks on their character is completely wrong.  It’s you that has blinders on. Grahame  has no legal recourse and she knows it. Everything that has happened in this sad affair is her own fault.

          • Tired

            Interesting points. But if an ” in kind” response was warranted and deserved, shouldn’t that be a single email to Grahame and not a public outing and smear campaign?.. Cuz with that logic Grahame is now justified to respond ” in kind” and where does it end?… whether it’s camera operator, director of photog, producer or whatever, Grahame’s question as I understand it was that any participation in the video could be viewed as inappropriate for a board member of a children’s charity. And where do do you draw that line – is it okay for a board member because the guys are only dry humping and simulating sex, regardless of how young the guys look?.. Would it be okay if they were actually having sex?

          • Little

            Well there was no simulated sex , it was boys dancing in underwear.  Sexy as it was 🙂  My point is that Andrea held a camera , she didn’t create it or even produce it. Kind of a little bit pointless to conjecture about sex when there is none in the film.  Kim had Andrea on because she is incredibly talented and creative. There was no question she was a perfect fit for helping them administrate an educational group.  

            My question is to you, should we remove children from the presence of anyone who has worked on a PG rated product? Where do you stop judging people without proof of their own actual crime ? 

          • Tired

            I don’t think I or anyone said the video is criminal.  Even if I don’t agree with Grahame’s opinion of the video, it is certainly her right as a donor to contact TYFA with her concerns.  As to the PG movie thing, be honest, that video wouldn’t get a PG rating and wouldn’t likely get a PG-13. It’s R rated simply for the title and lyrics – and there’s nothing wrong with that as art!!  The wrong here, despite all the flames and rhetoric, is two transwoman outed another because they didn’t like her voicing an opinion.  And that’s not okay, ever.

          • Little

            I’ll tell you what, if Gina was stealth, if she left no footprints, sure but she is the most public figure she can be. She is advertising it everywhere too ! Are you trying to tell me her employer wouldn’t have recognized her from her YT video’s ? Her video’s and her  work picture can  connect her easily. 

            The wrong thing is a bunch of  adults couldn’t agree to disagree and took it to the web

          • Tired

            I think its pretty clear Calpernia took it to the internet, Grahame took it to the charity she donated to. Grahame looks to have taken your advice about ‘in kind’ and responded. 

          • Anonymous

            *sigh* No one is claiming she’s stealth. But what you REFUSE to acknowledge is that it doesn’t matter to what degree she’s publicly out with her legal name.  She’s asked them to not use her legal name and they’ve put up a page WITH THAT NAME. 

            Regardless of what either side has done, who hates who, or what one side thinks of the other, it’s NEVER ok to use someone’s private identity against them. It shouldn’t be a matter for you or I to debate.

            If it’s not vindictive, and Gina has asked them to not use the name, then why do they continue to do so? If it’s not a big deal and she’s not stealth? There’s absolutely no reason to use it on the post, as that’s not how she’s publicly known. Except to be vindictive.

          • Tired

            Interesting points. But if an ” in kind” response was warranted and deserved, shouldn’t that be a single email to Grahame and not a public outing and smear campaign?.. Cuz with that logic Grahame is now justified to respond ” in kind” and where does it end?… whether it’s camera operator, director of photog, producer or whatever, Grahame’s question as I understand it was that any participation in the video could be viewed as inappropriate for a board member of a children’s charity. And where do do you draw that line – is it okay for a board member because the guys are only dry humping and simulating sex, regardless of how young the guys look?.. Would it be okay if they were actually having sex?

  • Grace

    Its very clear to me the trans-wars will have a new weapon.

    If you don’t like a steath woman’s opinion all you need do is out them, especially from the out-and-in-your-face TG brigade.

    • Little

      She wasn’t stealth at all. Using a stage name doesn’t make you  stealth. Ask Archibald Leech ( Cary Grant)

      • Anonymous

        Being “stealth” and Google anonymous aren’t the same thing.

        • Little

          She is an activist and out. There is no such thing as “google anonymous”

          • Anonymous

            So why use a fake name there, “Little”? You have no idea of what you’re talking about. People using real names in activism get people unable to work. I know this, I’ve seen it in the real.

          • Little

            Are you still threatening me because you already know who I am and I’m totally prepared . I have no doubt you have searched it.   Are you trying to make people believe that Gina can’t be connected to her real name by face alone ?  Or  convince us that employers dont watch video’s? Why be an activist if you can’t afford the publicity ?!  It’s ridiculous.

            People who are activists accept that hey can be searched. Calpernia has acknowledged her own vulnerability constantly. It’s nonsense.

          • Anonymous

            Oh my dear Little, did you see what you did there? You proved my point. You said I was threatening you. You felt threatened. I simply threatened to do what Addams and James DID. Difference being that I’d never do that. Your secret is safe with me. 🙂

          • Little

            Oh  Marti ,have you been harassing/stalking  me for a year, attacking my friends and constantly insulting me too ? ! Well gosh I didn’t know that. 🙂 How similar you and Gina are. 

            Clearly you have an  inability to understand simple statements, you are unaware that not all blackmail is legally  actionable,that blackmail is not extortion, that trans kids includes gay children  . You have my email, I gave you that advantage  knowing you could and you publicly threatening to , well that doesn’t make your case, it makes mine. It aso lowers your credibility simply having made the threat imbalance power.

             Safe, I doubt it , but anyone who posts on the web knows that. There is no anonymity. Gina, knew that as do you, but feel free to pretend you dont. 

      • Anonymous

        That’s true… so the only thing then that they were doing was trying to degender her by mentioning the legal fiction of a name she was assigned. Keepin’ it classy.

        • Little

          Degender her ? Oh did they call her a male name? ! No, that is fabrication.

    • Anonymous

      Irrespective of the argument, how can you say that is a ‘new’ weapon? I think that using being trans against someone, stealth or not, is about 2 seconds younger than being trans.

  • what does andrea james artistic choices have to do with where she donates her money, sorry ms gina if ur not ‘likin big dicks’ then dont go near them, censoring art from a fellow trans woman? find something else better to do hunni

    • Anonymous

      You know what “censoring” is? A person can’t “censor” another person. Censoring is something a government does.

      • i do know what censoring is hun, and censoring is not just limited to government, which if u think about it is a body of people or “persons”.. so persons can “censor” another person

        • Anonymous

          If they have the power to stop that person’s work from being published… not if they say the work is crap. That’s not censorship, that’s criticism.

          • Anonymous

            Exactly.

          • Little

            Using their position as a donor to get someone fired for working on something you dislike is blackmail, not criticism.

          • Anonymous

            Blackmail, is a crime and it’s punishable.  It’s obvious you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what blackmail is. Criticism gets people “fired” all the time.

          • Little

            “Blackmail -any payment extorted by intimidation, as by threats of injurious revelations or accusations.”

            Gina approaches Kim, says I’m one of your largest donors, if you dont fire Andrea for being a camera person on I’m going to pull my donation (which she did ) . Myself at that time would have torn her check up in front of her. 

          • Anonymous

            Apparently you’re unaware of what extort is. It’s to receive money, not withhold giving.

          • Little

            ex·tor·tion   [ik-stawr-shuhn] 
            -. the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one’s office or authority.”

            The thing of value was the  removal as a long time enemy from the board.

          • Anonymous

            The “thing of value”? That makes no sense since you Gina isn’t trying to take anything of monetary value. She simply asked a question.

          • Anonymous

            And FoxNews askes questions like “Obama Secret Muslim?” too, we all know that “simply asking a question” is generally a masked attack.  Tell me, msmartipants, have you stopped kicking your dog?  What, I was just asking a question, not implying that you kick your dog or anything like that…..

          • Little

            A thing of value can be a desired result, please dont play coy.  Blackmail occurs all the time without a money exchange. No, she made a statement, as she has been all along.  

          • Anonymous

            Coy? No, I’m just smart enough to know what blackmail and extortion mean. Both are illegal and punishable. Why don’t you report her to the authorities?

          • Little

            “Coy? No, I’m just smart …” It’s you that doesn’t know the difference.”Alternatively, blackmail may refer only to threats of action that is not illegal per se, such as revealing compromising photographs, while extortion relies on more active threats, such as physical harm.”You are intentionally one sided and totally bias.I’m not the one running around saying all forms of blackmail are “a crime”.That’s a simplistic ,absurdist fantasy trying to cover up your friends tasteless act of trying to bully the Trans Youth group into firing someone. Sorry.

          • Anonymous

            LOL, my friend?  Yes, you’re right. We are best friends. And Kim Pearson is my sworn enemy!  You really aren’t aware of who I am and who my friends are, are you? 

          • Little

            No, should I be aware of who you are ? Perhaps you could print out hand bills explaining. I know this, you are persecuting Addams/James in publicly over a matter that you yourself have little knowledge. You have chosen a side , like it or not, approving slut shaming, a position  that is s anti woman it is stunning. Grahame actively sought out Calpernia on the web to harass her and was more out than Rip Taylor on a drag stage  and you even dare to use the word “out”. You are pandering to gossip of a feud that you are not part of. What is most telling is Gina’s incredible advertisement of  it so public the word “anonymous” becomes a laughable irony.  Who really cares what her stage or real name is, someone claiming to fear and employer knowing could be screaming and waving her arms more broadly. The words do not fit the actions. 

          • Anonymous

            So you’re OK with writing letters to places where trans women work in an attempt to get them fired?  Based, for the love of Pete, on the content of their unrelated work in the Arts?  That’s OK, but subsequently connecting the letter writer’s real name to HER work in the Arts is somehow crossing a line?  Sorry, but Gina Grahame crossed that line, scribbled over it, and took a big piss on it when she tried to get a trans woman fired for doing camera work on a music video.
            A lot of trans women have been forced by economic circumstance into performing sex work.  Should they too be constantly challenged in volunteer organizations dealing with trans youth because of this Scarlet Letter shit?  Get it straight:  We’re trans people, not straights.  I had my surgery over 25 years ago, and still I am vulnerable to having my employability challenged at any moment, anti-discrimination laws or no. You’re backing the wrong side.  Gina Grahame tried to get a trans woman fired by revealing information about said trans woman in a letter she was too chickenshit to even sign her legal name to.  She’s pond scum.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not on a “side”. If I’m on any side, its on the side of civility. If you support being vindictive and retaliatory behavior, be my guest.

          • Little

            Then you are condemning Gina as well.  Sadly the title does not reflect that. In fact it is an argument based on she said she said. Pure gossip.

          • Anonymous

            1. Even if Pearson decided to remove her, no one would be “fired” since James isn’t paid. 

            2.  As a donor to an organization Grahame is within her rights to ask anything she wants short of it being illegal. She has the right to be a slut shaming prude.  And Pearson has the right to ignore her.

            3. This isn’t a battle. It’s basic civility that two wrongs don’t make a right. Bottom line that people here are forgetting is that the post wasn’t about the controversy itself, but about the use of her legal name when it isn’t necessary.  It’s obvious that it’s a vindictive tactic.

            4. Nice personal attack.  Apparently you have the same misconception that “Little” does. Sex and gender are different. Some of us are “straight”.
            There’s no truth to her not signing her legal name. When you donate to a non-profit (I guess you’ve never done that), to use it as a tax deduction you have to provide your legal name.

          • Anonymous

            “But I don’t have some pie in the sky, EDU type of utopian outlook.”
             
            “Sex and gender are different. Some of us are ‘straight’. ”
             
            This is talking out of both sides of your mouth.  You are only “straight” from a pie-in-the-sky EDU outlook.  In the outside world where transphobia and homophobia run rampant, you are NOT straight, you are a transsexual who is only considered straight by those who do not know of your history.  It’s called “being in the closet” when you hide what you are in order to fit in, you know.  To the vast bulk of the population, in their opinions, we are always truly our birth sex.  Anything less than transphobic is pretty much “some pie in the sky EDU type of utopian outlook” at this point.
             
            I am beginning to see Monica Robert’s point about WWBT though.  I have been seeing a real shanda fur die trans in all this worshiping of mainstream norms among the middle class white trans women.  It’s a terrible form of internalized loathing of queer culture.  It’s frankly the exact privileging of Patriarchy that Lesbian Separatists assume of all of us in advance.  To hell with straight culture, fitting into straight culture, and kissing the ass of straight culture.   No more groveling for crumbs damnit!

          • Anonymous

            Explain the argument between me and Beth Elliot then?

            We are not a hive-mind. Though, being a self-centred individual, I am forever relearning this.

          • Anonymous

            Well, I was making a point about the perceptions of those outside the LGBT
            communities and their allies, so-called mainstream society.  To them, we’re all
            just a buncha fairies, no matter how much we mimic vanilla straight behavior and
            style.  We’re all in the same LGBT boat whether everybody likes it or not, and
            trying to toss each other overboard just feeds the sharks.

          • Anonymous

            I completely agree with that… we need a bit more solidarity… but then, solidarity is going to be next to impossible in the context of kapoism.

          • Anonymous

            Yes, you’re so right. I’m WWBT. You caught me. That’s why Monica cross-posts to this blog which I’m the editor of. LOL.  I’m totally WWBT.  The secret is out. :p

          • Moonflowrr

            Little … I’m unsure which side you are taking here.  Andrea is a board member and volunteer.  I don’t believe there is firing (as in losing job/income) involved.  Gina’s outing and contacting her employer would be seen as means to induce a firing … but you appear to be defending Andrea.  Kentucky Fairness recently lost a longtime boardmember and treasurer to resignation (rather than a long public trial) due to criticisms from the lesbian community over said member.  And certainly this has (and likely will) affect their donors’ bottom line.  Would that also be blackmail? 

          • Little

            Anyone doing a job, paid or not, can be fired. You never made  the distinction in the case of Kentucky Fairness yet you use the term “resigned”. Really , you are nit picking and until I  know about that specific resignation I wouldn’t have enough to comment. If that communities largest  donor walks in , says I don’t like “Moonflower” because she is friends with questionable people, then she was fired,  yes. That would be a form of blackmail. 

          • Anonymous

            I see, it’s OK to get her fired from this job because it doesn’t pay?  It’s OK to shut trans women out of any influential positions in society whatsoever unless they pass the misogynistic Madonna/Whore standard as well as any big-hair Republican woman candidate?
             
            I can see that some trans women have zipitty doo dah knowledge about the basics of feminine empowerment and need a 101 on Women’s Rights.
             
            And yes, when lesbian separatists get trans women fired by threatening boycotts, it’s blackmail.  It was blackmail at Olivia records and from your description it was blackmail at Kentucky Fairness too. 

          • Pariah

            Outing a person, the way I was outed (I am who Moonflowrr’s referring to) by Dana Lane Taylor and Peter Smith of the Courier-Journal, was much more an act of violence than the “ill chosen words on Facebook” that was used as justification for it.   Deliberate acts of outing should be considered to be violent acts, particularly if the person being outed is not a public figure.  

        • Anonymous

          It’s an “official” from a governmental body. That’s definitional, hun…

    • Anonymous

      And the post doesn’t address the controversy, but using someone’s legal name in a vindictive manner.

      • there would be no controversy if ms gina didnt start drama with ms callie and ms andrea

        • Anonymous

          Gina sent an email to Kim Pearson. Not to Calpernia or Andrea. Not to a website. She sent a private email.

          • Little

            Andrea is on the board, so , you think that when a donor  attacks a member of there board , trying to get them fired there are official ear plugs they wear ? Ridiculous.

    • Moonflowrr

      Andrea was more than merely a member or a donor.  She’s on the board of directors which carries with it both gravitas but also more responsibility to how the organization they are a director on is perceived.  As example: on a recent exchange from a blog post, one Anthony Casebeer was outed for comments unbecoming the organization on which he is treasurer: Kentucky Fairness.  It was a flip comment, nevertheless, serious enough to damage the public image of Kentucky Fairness.  Realizing the heat that KY Fairness was under, Casebeer did the honorable thing and resigned, rather than dragging the organization’s good name through a public trial.  It was about image, but nevertheless, something that in the wrong hands could be damaging.  Andrea has obviously chosen to fight this out in the public forum.  That’s the distinction.

      • Anonymous

        If Gina Grahame was doing anything other than poisoning Andrea James’ well, why didn’t she first contact Andrea James privately and give her a chance to settle matters sub rosa?  Sending a letter to the Board trying to get them to dump Andrea James was 100% shit-stirring and had nothing whatsoever to do with discretion and everything to do with well-poisoning.

  • Little

    Grahame  trying to have them shunned like common prostitutes  ( Belle Watling style , “Your money isn’t good enough”) , despite the fact it is a GAY video  (it’s about “twinks and bears” ) that has no sex in it , was little more than a  smear  of James and Addams reputations so they are even.  I lose patience when ex Playboy models start schooling me on the appropriate avenues that transwomen should take to remain chaste in the publics opinion. It’s time for people to hold their tongues and stop judging people for the jobs they hold and not their character. We have a lot of that in this community. 

    If you are public anyone can look up your name and Gina knew that.The real victims of cyberbullying dont deserve to have something so petty related to a real crime.. Grahame and Addams can sort their differences without our help. 

    • Anonymous

      It’s odd, everyone that complains about the controversy but not what I wrote. Because outing someone with their legal name is bullying in trans circles.  They aren’t “looking it up”, they are publishing it in what seems to be a vindictive manner.

      • Little

        It’s just our definition of “stealth”. Gina is as stealth as a gay pride parade, only renamed a happy pride parade.  Stealth means invisible and she sure wasn’t invisible.

        • Anonymous

          Dear “Little”, you just sent me an e-mail with your name. Is it OK if I publish that name? A name that links you to your job and your career? On a trans site?  Would that be any different? Just curious. I’m sure we could Google-bomb your name so that anyone looking for your name would be automatically pointed here, if you’re OK with that…..

          • Little

             If I was  hiding I wouldn’t be using my real email,  You could do that right now by searching my IP. I post knowing you can so threaten away. Anyone who posts on the internet knows they can be identified. Anyone.You know hy actors and actresses can’t sue for people using their real names ? Gina stage name doesn’t give her anonymity at all. 

        • Tired

          Every term in the trans community has been allowed to evolve except stealth. Now we have ‘google anonymous’, same basic thing as it means people who one hasn’t told of their gender history shouldn’t be privy to it. And for Little to imply one must apply literal, defense department, definitions to the term is ludicrous. By that logic, the only way one can be truly out is to wear a ‘trans’ t-shirt every time they leave the house so it is absolutely clear to everyone they meet.

    • gina morvay

      It’s my understanding that Andrea (who I respect for many things she does) wrongfully used her connections with TFYA to find out Gina Grahame’s real name. So she didn’t just ‘look it up on the Internet’, they used a supposedly confidential connection with an organization to out her. Yes, I agree Grahame isn’t exactly in full stealth, but publishing the name online was cyber bullying.

      And as to the video, there’s a big difference between saying someone trans should NEVER do a racy video and saying that it’s inappropriate to do that if you’re also going to be publicly connected to an org representing children. Yes, there is a difference. I don’t agree with much of what Gina Grahame says about ‘transgender v. transsexual’ but I think her point about an advocacy organization for trans children having to be careful about who is representing them makes complete sense.

      • Little

        Yes, your “understanding”?  Which as evidence is as credible  as saying martians hand delivered it  to you. You don’t know anything about how it was obtained nor do I. No, Grahame isn’t even slightly stealth. Do you think doing public video’s that Gina herself put up about being transsexual qualifies as “partial stealth”? Really ?! I have no idea how you arrived at that conclusion. 

        Yes I’m sure in the 1950’s when McCarthy was outing communists that doing a video with more that the word ‘darn” in it qualified as “porn”. I mean , without trial you are judging these people as unfit .Thankfully 60 years have passed and we no longer abuse women that  kind of a backwards hillbilly way. Otherwise  you can to write laws saying people who do jobs that are for adults must have their children taken from them. Are you saying that all the people who produced and created these video’s are unfit to be supporters ?   

        CGina’s views on TG vs TS  are irrelevant. She is as loud and as opinionated as anyone and I doubt she could be bullied in any way. 

        • Anonymous

          It’s credible for a couple reasons. One, is that no one is denying that the email to Kim Pearson wasn’t forwarded to Andrea James. From Calpernia.com:

          Gina ***** responded to my comedic music video parody of the song “Like a G6″ by
          emailing a group at the non-profit Trans Youth Family Allies (which
          included my business partner Andrea James), in which she communicated to
          the organization’s Executive Director/Co-Founder that as a “donor” she
          questioned Andrea’s “place” in the organization due to Gina’s expressed
          “sadness” at Andrea’s work as cinematographer on my “gay” video parody.

          Secondly, I don’t know anyone that’s claiming Gina was stealth. She’s claiming she was Google anonymous as far as her legal name. People don’t know Gina by that name, so it seems fairly obvious that using her legal name was vindictive in nature.

          • Little

            Where does it say the email was forwarded ?! Nowhere. Andrea is on the board so she would  have been told about the witch hunt.  All that is there is the acknowledgment that  Gina was using her position as a large donor to try and remove a member of the board to bully Andrea off. Lets be clear, this was blackmail. 

            Yes they are saying she was stealth. They are saying it, implying it and then saying “This could happen to you! ”  Using the term “outed”. Whichh of course is utterly ridiculous and no one on this planet cares if it was a stage name oor not. Gina has outed herself as a transsexual and this article has proved that we as a community are gossip based and trivial. That it was published at all is startling. 

          • Anonymous

            That she forwarded the email isn’t in question. I have verified this.  You don’t have to “say” it somewhere to know it to be true.

          • Little

            Sorry, I was applying “journalistic standards” to a gossip war. 

          • Little

            Sorry, I’m not buying this. You verified it how ? Name your source. 

          • gina morvay

            Please don’t speak for what my ‘intention’ was, because you’re wrong. Yes, Gina Grahame has had a media presence as a trans person and has even publicly performed trans-related theater pieces under that name. But that doesn’t mean her real last name was known. I live in SF, know a lot of trans people here and have met Gina a couple of times and I didn’t know her real last name so, yes, I know she is guarded about it and that’s completely her right. And I find it ironic that someone who’s droning on and on this discussion about what’s open and what’s private is the one posting anonymously—do you want people ‘outing’ you? FYI, I had seen the info about forwarding the confidential information from TYFA on a Facebook discussion about this issue… so no, it’s not validated information but then, until you expose your identity and connection to all this, neither are your claims.

          • Little

            A a public figure, either a public official or any other person pervasively involved in public affairs cannot base a lawsuit on incorrect harmful statements unless there is proof that the writer or publisher acted with actual malice (knowledge of falsity or reckless disregard for the truth ). The burden of proof in defamation actions is higher in the case of a public figure.When personal morality and family life is deliberately and explicitly used by a politician as a reason for them to be elected, then they have chosen to make it a public issue rather than a private one. This does not justify intrusion into the privacy of those politicians who do not parade their personal lives as a campaign method.

          • Little

            I thought that was interesting given the “morality” of  persons were challenged  and the person making those accusations was a public figure (stage name or not). When people make these things an issue it kind of opens them up to investigations themselves doesn’t it ?   Oh dont worry Gina, Marti has our email accounts now. Your posting leaves an IP address so regardless she knows who you are or can find out pretty instantly.

          • Tired

            Wow, Little, you really don’t like facts, do you? Calpernia says right there Andrea gave her the TYFA email! Duh!

          • Little

            Link it ha ha! Calpernia never once said that was where she got her name.

          • Anonymous

            You can share links. Feel free. Disqus will automatically moderate links though so I have to approve them.

          • Little

            No link was posted here. I’ll refrain from commenting on the posters truthfulness. 

    • Tired

      Grahame was a playboy bunny?.. Where’d you see that?.. And really, where are all these links with her legal name?.. So far as you’ve done is give Calpernia’s talking points.

      • Little

        One of her friends who lectured me  on “morality”. There is a group of them you see.  Marti doesn’t allow links. 

        • Tired

          Someone in the community lectured you on morality? I say out them!!.. Create a webpage and total smear campaign against them, I mean it’s your right, isn’t it?

          • Little

            You know that is not what happened. Gina has gone to insult and harass  and insult Calpernia on articles on the web.  There was a history there.

          • Tired

            Little, if you’re not Calpernia you do an excellent impersonation. Your ability to regurgitate her talking points without providing any facts, time and again, is impressive.

  • Mari

    The image linked has get many not censored in it. I figure it’s a mistake, just letting you know.