the right to be equally objectified
The officials who run the Miss Spain pageant have changed their eligibility rules so that mothers and transsexual women are allowed to compete.
It’s a strike for… equality?
Won’t it be a shining moment in transgender history when, say, three to five years from now, a galla wins the title of Miss Spain and goes on to have a huge public tussle with the people who run the Miss World pageant?
Eyup, i’m looking forward to it.
It’s kind of sad that the right to be equally objectified alongside women-born-women seems in some ways like a step up. I could write a lot here about the origins of beauty pageants, their fundamental heteronormativity, reinforcement of the male gaze, and, and let’s not forget that modern pageants exist to sell products by bathing suit companies. That stuff is not really what i want to write about today, and it’s easy enough to research if you care.
The average galla, like the average WBW, wants to feel that people think she’s pretty.
I don’t mean “hot” or “doable” or “sexy,” or “i’d hit that.” I’ve been told many times by numerous men that i am an acceptable recipient of their transitory lust — as long as i promise not to say anything to their wives. Few of them bothered to waste the air it would have taken to call me pretty.
So at this point in life i am not concerned about whether or not someone will invite me to bed. But do they think i’m pretty?
Prettiness is… i don’t know. I shouldn’t call it “validation.” It’s more a kind of acceptance, a kind i’ve been starved for my whole life.
I don’t know whether it’s something we’re taught while we’re growing up or if it’s just a reflection of a natural desire to belong and be accepted. It doesn’t matter; either way, it’s too often used as a way to manipulate girls.
It’s not that i think it would confirm that i’m a woman to be told i’m pretty. But most girls, i suppose, are told at least a few times while they’re growing up that they’re pretty; but your average galla, at least those my age, were never told it.
I think my mom said it to me once when i was 14, or at least something to similar effect. I had come out to her, and at first she kind of freaked out. One night, though, she showed me how to brush out a wig, and gave me a few other pointers on dressing and presenting a bit more femininely.
How can i express what that felt like after 14 years of being firmly repressed?
And how do i square this up with what many of my feminist friends have told me, of how it was drilled in their heads non-stop from the time they were small that they had to spend a lot of their time primping so they would look pretty? It is no surprise when WBW meet gallae and hear us “squee” because someone told us we’re pretty, and conclude that we’ve just bought into the social superficial nonsense surrounding femininity and have no idea what it’s really like. I can’t blame them; they were overdosed on the thing which we were starved of, and not only does either treatment make us all pliable it also divides us, causes us to mistrust each other.
Honestly, i don’t find it ‘liberating’ to spend more time in the morning making myself presentable, or to pay thousands of dollars (and cry many tears) to have facial hair removed so i will be more acceptably pretty. But it is ‘freeing’ in the sense that it means i do not have to continue to abide by the course that was set for me by god and country during the first two decades of my life. From my perspective, it more closely resembles the freedom to live life on my own terms.
I am jumping from the fire into the frying pan.
June 20th, 2007 at 3:12 am
it’s not that it’s a step up. it is, though, a measure of a woman in our society. females receive messages all their lives regarding the value of being pretty, from the moment they are born. and males receive messages to pursue “pretty” females, and to value females who are pretty, from the moment they are born. so i can’t blame trans women who may find validation when they are told that they are pretty. it is, in fact, validation in the context of our messed-up culture.
personally, it’s been years since i’ve spent any time in front of the mirror, other than to pluck my eyebrows. i haven’t worn makeup in a while. when my husband tells me i’m pretty, i’m flattered because i know he means it, and i know what he means when he says it. i don’t really care much anymore when anyone else tells me i’m pretty. though, at 51, that rarely happens anymore anyway.
and concerning how some feminists judge trans women when they find validation in being called pretty, well, they’re most likely the same feminists who think of trans women as men anyway. so i don’t put too much stock into those kinds of judgments either.
June 21st, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I’ve had tons of cisgender female friends who feel a sense of validation when someone tells them how attractive they are. I think it’s a huge double standard when those feminists you mention take special umbrage over transwomen feeling positive about being recognized as attractive.
I’m in no way trying to downplay the feminist observation that women tend to be valued for their physical beauty far more than men. I think it’s important to recognize that reality. However, people of all sexes and genders are quite capable of taking a certain degree of pleasure in being seen as attractive. Heck, I even feel a sense of pleasure when people see pictures of me in my former male incarnation and they complement me on being cute. It feels a little strange, but it still feels pleasant.
Heck, when I was still wearing a male body, I had no idea what people thought of me. I just looked in the mirror and saw an ugly male face staring back at me. Years later, it’s kind of nice not to hate the face that stairs back at me in the mirror each morning. If people think I’m attractive as a woman, I’m happy about that and I take no guilt in it. It’s a welcome change from the discomfort and disgust I once felt toward my visage.
Not to hijack the thread, but society’s beauty standards effect women in various demographics in different ways. I think that the discussion of beauty and what it means for women needs to be further parsed into how it effects women on the basis of ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, gender expression, etc.
In the same vein, there needs to be more (trans)feminist discussion regarding the privilege of being a transwoman who fits within society’s standards of physical appearance for women. There’s a huge amount of privilege that comes with this: if you fit society’s expectations of what women should look like—that is, if you pass (god, how I hate that word)—many doors will open for you that will remain closed for other transwomen. You will be less likely to be trans-bashed, obtaining employment will be easier, you will be treated with more respect in many quarters of society, and you can fade into the background while avoiding being constantly recognized as “that transsexual person.” Generally put, this privilege affords one the opportunity of not having one’s identity constantly reduced to a single aspect of one’s history.
So, transwomen also have their own particular axe to grind when it comes to the beauty standard that is applied to women. Transwomen are often hit pretty hard by this standard. No single group of women has the right to claim special ownership over this issue.
By the way, I hope I’m not out of line in saying this, Sabrina, but I think you are quite pretty.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
[...] Updated to add: also, this personal account from Sabrina Star. [...]