I’m in no way trying to downplay the feminist observation that women tend to be valued for their physical beauty far more than men. I think it’s important to recognize that reality. However, people of all sexes and genders are quite capable of taking a certain degree of pleasure in being seen as attractive. Heck, I even feel a sense of pleasure when people see pictures of me in my former male incarnation and they complement me on being cute. It feels a little strange, but it still feels pleasant.

Heck, when I was still wearing a male body, I had no idea what people thought of me. I just looked in the mirror and saw an ugly male face staring back at me. Years later, it’s kind of nice not to hate the face that stairs back at me in the mirror each morning. If people think I’m attractive as a woman, I’m happy about that and I take no guilt in it. It’s a welcome change from the discomfort and disgust I once felt toward my visage.

Not to hijack the thread, but society’s beauty standards effect women in various demographics in different ways. I think that the discussion of beauty and what it means for women needs to be further parsed into how it effects women on the basis of ethnicity, class, sexual orientation, gender expression, etc.

In the same vein, there needs to be more (trans)feminist discussion regarding the privilege of being a transwoman who fits within society’s standards of physical appearance for women. There’s a huge amount of privilege that comes with this: if you fit society’s expectations of what women should look like—that is, if you pass (god, how I hate that word)—many doors will open for you that will remain closed for other transwomen. You will be less likely to be trans-bashed, obtaining employment will be easier, you will be treated with more respect in many quarters of society, and you can fade into the background while avoiding being constantly recognized as “that transsexual person.” Generally put, this privilege affords one the opportunity of not having one’s identity constantly reduced to a single aspect of one’s history.

So, transwomen also have their own particular axe to grind when it comes to the beauty standard that is applied to women. Transwomen are often hit pretty hard by this standard. No single group of women has the right to claim special ownership over this issue.

By the way, I hope I’m not out of line in saying this, Sabrina, but I think you are quite pretty.

personally, it’s been years since i’ve spent any time in front of the mirror, other than to pluck my eyebrows. i haven’t worn makeup in a while. when my husband tells me i’m pretty, i’m flattered because i know he means it, and i know what he means when he says it. i don’t really care much anymore when anyone else tells me i’m pretty. though, at 51, that rarely happens anymore anyway.

and concerning how some feminists judge trans women when they find validation in being called pretty, well, they’re most likely the same feminists who think of trans women as men anyway. so i don’t put too much stock into those kinds of judgments either.