on a trans message board i frequent, the question was posted “Why is gender dysphoria painful?” there was the usual talk, and i posted this as a response:

the whole “girl mode” and “boy mode” thing, the “feeling like myself” thing – these phrases never worked for me. in 1984, the concept of newspeak is explored, and to me, that’s one of the difficulties in talking about the trans experience. there are no words to express the feelings and experiences involved in living as a trans person. with newspeak, the government crafted the language so that only politically correct thoughts could be expressed. and to me, that’s what using english is like to describe being trans.

i’d go as far as to say that the very question “Why is gender dysphoria painful?” results as part of the limited vocabulary in english. because there’s no language, the thoughts in and around the trans experience are very difficult, or even impossible to verbalize. i think most every trans person would agree that gender dysphoria *is* painful. why it’s painful is obvious to the trans person. it’s about authenticity. it’s about moving through the world as a fully actualized human being. the “why” is not much more than mental masturbation, because it’s something that’s felt down to the fiber of ones bones and soul. it’s like asking why a headache is painful. because it hurts – it’s that simple and obvious.

you may remember a series of articles in the examiner suggesting that transsexuals are in the mainstream these days, thanks to tv (no pun intended) and the internet. well, i came across the above ad in the phoenix new times, our local free culture & entertainment weekly newspaper – i’d equate it to the village voice, for those who read my blog on the east coast.

on the up side, there’s no “shemale” or “chick with a dick” verbiage, and compared to the rest of the ads for, um, escorts, it’s rather, well, mainstream. is there a downside? i suppose that depends on where you stand on the sex work issue. while i like to imagine that no woman should be forced to engage in sex work, i also understand that for many trans women, especially those of us who are not white and educated, as i am privileged to be, there are sometimes few other options. i just hope she does well, and doesn’t get hurt.

no doubt you’ve come across this “news“, about a 16 year old german pop singer who has had gender reassignment surgery, commonly known as a “sex change” in our vernacular.

i have a few problems, as you’ve probably surmised by now. not only with the headlines that are being perpetrated by the media, and the underlying assumptions behind them, but by how the term “transsexual” is used against us, transsexuals.

apparently, the media has unilaterally changed the meaning of the term “transsexual” to a person who has undergone surgery and hormone treatments in order to acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex. so here’s a news flash to y’all who haven’t had surgery – you’re not a transsexual. and to those who have, you are transsexual. hooray.

little did i realize that before i had surgery, i really wasn’t transsexual, despite all the medical treatment and diagnoses to the contrary. i shudder to think of all the stigma and torment i could have avoided, had i been aware of this newly developed definition.

the above linked post has more gems of insight. jennifer lance, the illustrious author of the piece, states:

I am not sure how I feel about this news. On one hand, I want to respect Kim and her decision. I am an open-minded person, at least I like to think I am. On the other hand, 16-years-old is awful young to be making life changing decisions. I can’t even remember what I wanted at 16, other than to drive a car and hang out with my friends while listening to music. I am not for elective, cosmetic surgery, but some may argue this is not cosmetic for Kim. I believe we should accept our natural bodies.

i suppose jennifer would prefer that the world use her experience as the model of experience with which all other experiences should be compared. after all, if she “can’t even remember what [she] wanted at 16″, then all us bat shit trannys certainly can’t know. oh, i’m sorry, i guess we really weren’t trannys back then. maybe wannabe transsexuals. or worse, shemales.

and regarding our “natural bodies”, jennifer goes on to say:

One thing I do know, I can’t help but feel like I should move to Germany. My son is considered “uninsurable” because he has a congenital heart defect, and our government offers no support because we are not a low income family, yet Germany pays for a teenager’s sex change! I wish Kim and her family well, and I try to have compassion for her gender issues.

um, jennifer, i’m very sorry to hear that your son has a congenital heart defect, but “i believe we should accept our natural bodies.”

yeah, sounds pretty stupid when it’s put that way, doesn’t it.

but hey, if a government pays for something as petty as a teenager’s sex change, then surely they should pay for a “real” disorder like a congenital heart defect. and yeah, thanks for your “compassion” for my “gender issues”!

according to enough non-sense, i’m a so called activist. my mother would be proud.

so i encountered this post on the syracuse.com blog site entitled “sex change hospital” by karla scoon reid. you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. to wit:

But, it’s the touching patients’ stories, not the medical techniques, which will draw viewers into Trinidad. In the premier episode, Vicki Estrada, a 56-year-old male-to-female transsexual, was supported throughout his genital reassignment surgery by his loving father. His father’s unconditional love was profoundly moving.

emphasis mine.

of course, in the next paragraph, regarding an f2m:

Another woman was having a hysterectomy to further complete her transformation to becoming a man. Jim Howley, a female-to-male transsexual, had tried to commit suicide seven times. His mother was distraught, believing she’d lost her daughter in this surgery. Later, however, the mother realized that it’s better to have a son who is alive, than a dead daughter.

holy mixed pronouns, batman!

pretty confusing considering the opening paragraph states:

“Sex Change Hospital” easily could have exploited people in the guise of informing or entertaining television viewers.

right, no “exploitation”, just blatant disregard for and erasure of people’s self identification.

oh right, and in the first quote, there’s that “unconditional love” bit. because when it comes to trans people, regular love just doesn’t cut it. we’re so horrible and monstrous that it takes “unconditional love” to show any kind of support.

stassa writes about transsexual pride.

I am proud to be transsexual and I do not suffer from a medical condition.

yeah, what she said.

i attended the phoenix pink pistols saturday shoot today, and i wore my smith & wesson “yeah, i shoot like a girl” tank top. the range was pretty busy, though there were only 5 of us there. i tried out my .38 jacketed hollow points which performed flawlessly. made by hornady, i expected nothing less, especially considering what i paid for them (more than twice the price of standard .38 ammo). i’ll say that hornady ammo has lived up to its high end reputation.

(the bullet on the left is the hornady .38 jacketed hollow point)

i also found out that one of the other women, who i’ve known for several months now and have shot with several times, is trans.

i had no clue.

we all met at copper star coffee after the shoot and were sipping coffee talking about this and that, and she mentions that she’s going in for surgery, probably by the end of the year. thinking that she had some kind of ailment, or perhaps she was going in for a hysterectomy or something, i gently probed for a little more information. she looked at me and said, “you know, *the* surgery”. i had a blank look on my face, as i had no idea to what she might be referring. i started thinking that maybe there was some kind of girl thing about which i hadn’t yet received the memo. then she said “srs”.

at first i thought she might be making fun of me.

but no, it turned out she’s trans, and pre op. i remember thinking to myself “but i thought you were a real girl!”. and i caught myself and realized how bad i was for my poor use of language, even in my own head. i also caught myself shifting my perception, and had to remind myself that this bit of news really changes nothing, other than finding myself offering to help with her recovery, since i’ve been through it myself.

just…wow.

oh, and here’s a pic from the handgun basics class a few weeks ago of me trying on an AK-47 for size. they’re ugly rifles, aren’t they.

it seems that calling a trans person “it”, is the new “that’s so gay”. in the comments of a celebrity gossip column about christian slater, reported by tmz.com, two commenters suggest christian’s new girlfriend must be trans.
first, r.zimmerman says:

Is the girlfriend a transsexual? It looks like a man trying to be woman.

(emphasis mine)
then, jumbo loan account says:

17. that girl does look like a trans

so, “it” looks like “a trans”.

this reminds me of a post secret entry that was posted this week:

yes, society treats us like monsters, or just kills us.

so the discussion on real transbigotry over at pam’s house blend turned into a shouting match, and was shut down, with all comments deleted. i can totally understand why that decision was made. i read pam’s every day, and the mud slinging and back stabbing that occurred from both sides in that thread was totally out of line. it’s just amazing to me how certain groups of grown women can’t hold a civil discussion.

i do wish they’d have kept the comments though. it was a perfect example of how not to have a discussion, and who the perps were. well, based on the heat, i imagine that this type of thing will rear it’s ugly head before too long.

you’ve no doubt heard of godwin’s law, which states:

“As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.”.

i propose a new law which states:

“As a trans-related online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving men in dresses approaches one.”

i call it “nexy’s law”, and i will promptly exit said online discussion immediately, according to the first corollary of nexy’s law, which states:

“once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the men in dresses has automatically “lost” whatever debate was in progress.”

i’ll add that as both a jew and a transwoman, i am uniquely qualified to coin nexy’s law.