tonight is the tdor for phoenix. i’m not going to make it. i stepped on a rusty nail today while doing some yard work, and ran off to the urgent care to get my tetanus shot. so i’m limping around pretty good.

it was a little aggravating that i had to provide my medical history yet again to those people, as i’ve been there several times before. yes, cancer runs in my family, and high blood pressure, and diabetes. and no i haven’t had any major surgeries i care to tell you about.

from an article by dick swabb, a professor of neurobiology at the university of amsterdam:

Sexual differentiation of our genitalia occurs in the first few months of pregnancy while sexual differentiation of the brain takes place in the second half of pregnancy. As these two processes occur at different times, it is theorised that in transsexuality these processes are influenced independently of each other.
…
Everything indicates that during the early stages of development, the sexual differentiation of the brain occurs atypically in transsexuals, and not that they are “simply” psychotic, as a psychiatrist from Limburg recently dared to assert.

i’m not thrilled with some of the wording in the article, as in “Transsexuals are convinced that they were born in the body of the opposite gender…”, but it was an interesting read,

i came across a series of photos by portrait photographer charlie white via my news feed. from the article in the l.a. times:

Charlie White’s photographic series “Teen and Transgender Comparative Study” uses the stark format of a scientific study to raise pointed questions about femininity and self-image. Each photo depicts a teenage girl and a pre-op transgender woman side by side, from the shoulders up, against a light blue grid. “The subjects are both going through a form of puberty…”

the series can be viewed here.

the houston press did a piece on safe2pee.org called even transsexuals need to pee somewhere. i particularly enjoyed the image:

i’ve added a couple of locations to the phoenix area safe2pee list in the past. looking at the site, it appears that they had a slight database issue, so if you’ve added locations in the past, you may want to check to ensure they’re still there. if not, the rest of us looking to pee would appreciate it if you’d re-enter the locations.

no doubt you’ve come across this “news“, about a 16 year old german pop singer who has had gender reassignment surgery, commonly known as a “sex change” in our vernacular.

i have a few problems, as you’ve probably surmised by now. not only with the headlines that are being perpetrated by the media, and the underlying assumptions behind them, but by how the term “transsexual” is used against us, transsexuals.

apparently, the media has unilaterally changed the meaning of the term “transsexual” to a person who has undergone surgery and hormone treatments in order to acquire the physical characteristics of the opposite sex. so here’s a news flash to y’all who haven’t had surgery – you’re not a transsexual. and to those who have, you are transsexual. hooray.

little did i realize that before i had surgery, i really wasn’t transsexual, despite all the medical treatment and diagnoses to the contrary. i shudder to think of all the stigma and torment i could have avoided, had i been aware of this newly developed definition.

the above linked post has more gems of insight. jennifer lance, the illustrious author of the piece, states:

I am not sure how I feel about this news. On one hand, I want to respect Kim and her decision. I am an open-minded person, at least I like to think I am. On the other hand, 16-years-old is awful young to be making life changing decisions. I can’t even remember what I wanted at 16, other than to drive a car and hang out with my friends while listening to music. I am not for elective, cosmetic surgery, but some may argue this is not cosmetic for Kim. I believe we should accept our natural bodies.

i suppose jennifer would prefer that the world use her experience as the model of experience with which all other experiences should be compared. after all, if she “can’t even remember what [she] wanted at 16″, then all us bat shit trannys certainly can’t know. oh, i’m sorry, i guess we really weren’t trannys back then. maybe wannabe transsexuals. or worse, shemales.

and regarding our “natural bodies”, jennifer goes on to say:

One thing I do know, I can’t help but feel like I should move to Germany. My son is considered “uninsurable” because he has a congenital heart defect, and our government offers no support because we are not a low income family, yet Germany pays for a teenager’s sex change! I wish Kim and her family well, and I try to have compassion for her gender issues.

um, jennifer, i’m very sorry to hear that your son has a congenital heart defect, but “i believe we should accept our natural bodies.”

yeah, sounds pretty stupid when it’s put that way, doesn’t it.

but hey, if a government pays for something as petty as a teenager’s sex change, then surely they should pay for a “real” disorder like a congenital heart defect. and yeah, thanks for your “compassion” for my “gender issues”!

i came across a copy of hbo’s middle sexes dvd at a big lots yesterday for a whopping $3.00. needless to say, we bought it and watched it (again) last night. having seen it before a couple of years ago, it reminded me that this piece of work is one of the best overviews of all things trans available. i highly recommend it.

“biology loves variation. society hates it.”

the dvd includes interviews of trans people of note such as calpernia addams and andrea james as well as other trans people from various cultures, thailand and india as two examples. there are additional interviews with intersex and bi people, as well as medical, scientific, and academic representatives.

big lots also had a copy of normal, also for $3.00, which i did not buy. i had trouble sitting through it when i watched it, and didn’t wish to revisit that discomfort. that scene in the barn, shotgun in mouth, finger on trigger, hit way too close to home. and no, i have never been in a barn.

i came across this press release through google news proclaiming “Cross-Dress/Transgender Niche Retailer Beating the Recession”. i began reading with interest. the press release goes on to say how Genie, The Crossdress Store is doing well during these difficult economic times by catering to “cross-dressers, transvestites, transsexuals and transgenders”. i was particularly interested when i read:

“Retailers like Genie, The Crossdress Store, don’t sell luxuries. They sell the every day items of people’s lives – and people don’t stop living their lives because of recession. As a niche retailer, you just have to tailor your messages and your product line to reflect your customers’ needs.”

i was intrigued. after seeing so many on line stores that cater to crossdressers with outrageous prices and nothing more than club wear or costumes, i thought i may have finally found a place that offered tall and skinny pants or actual long sleeve shirts at a reasonable price that would fit my body. you know, being tall and skinny with long arms. i do a lot of shopping at my local tall girl shop which does offer a modest selection for tall and skinny women like myself, but the prices are pretty high, so i often must wait for their clearance sales.

so i went to genie’s site, and this is what i found:

now, perhaps things are different in canada, where the genie store is located. i spent a couple of weeks in montreal several years back receiving some medical treatment, and i don’t remember any of the women walking around in these types of outfits. but then again, i really didn’t get out much. but i can tell you that if i showed up at work in any of these “every day clothes”, i’d be fired. and $156.00 for a skirt? i could buy two pair of designer jeans at tall girl for the regular price, and i could actually wear them to work. or if i wait for the sales, i could buy a weeks worth of clothes.

it just seems to me that genie is yet another attempt at exploiting the trans community. what a disappointment.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

from the velveteen rabbit or how toys become real
by margery williams

i been reading lisa’s post over on questioning transphobia that highlights an article published in cosmos magazine entitled “Gene linked to transsexualism”. another link in the comments points to a bbc article covering the same study. in a nut shell:

…some male-to-female transsexuals carry a different form of a gene, called an androgen receptor, which modifies the body’s response to testosterone.
[clip]
…the form of the gene found in the transsexual group had a larger number of repeats of a short, repetitive sequence of DNA – making the gene significantly longer than the form found in the control group of non-transsexual men.
[clip]
…”This [study] supports the notion that transsexualism has a biological basis rather than being due to psychosocial factors in early childhood…

many of the comments in lisa’s post express many of my concerns. while i support studying gender identity and its causes, i’m not very confident that the resulting data will be used to my benefit, and/or for the benefit of other members of my tribe.

i can imagine that at some point, some biological template will be developed to diagnose “gender identity disorder”, and those who don’t “measure up” will be denied medical treatment or insurance coverage. or worse, that the unborn will be tested for this and either aborted or “cured” while still in the womb.

it’s unfortunate that a culture who has the technology to study and identify the causes of humanity’s diversity, also has the technology to destroy those types of people that are arbitrarily deemed undesirable.

and frankly, i think we’d all be a lot better off studying the cause of bigotry, and working on a cure for that.

there’s been some talk about this episode of bones (as well as the top 15 trans killer movies).

i started watching the bones episode on hulu, but had to turn it off after about 10 minutes.

i suppose it is for all the reasons suggested in the variety of posts listed, and quotes from the show like “Do you think it means anything? She lived her life split in two, then, in death, split in two again.”, that i have it in my will, that i am to be cremated upon my death. if my husband survives me, i trust him to make sure that happens. if not, i am confident that in a hundred years, someone may come across my remains, and gender me male, full stop.

i suppose there are those who would call me vain, or wanting to perpetuate my “deception” or “illusion” beyond death.

if i’m remembered, i simply want to be remembered as my authentic self.