i referenced an article in a previous post, in which comments have taken a pretty horrid turn.
I have seen many transsexuals that I have to say I truly wonder what they are/were thinking. They simply look like men in drag, without one iota of femininity about them, and for whatever reason do not seem to care what others think, and in fact in most part seem to relish being so entirely different. All that said, there are many transsexuals, like myself who blend in seamlessly in any environment, even in hot tubs, lol. My ‘sexuality’ or identity has never been questioned, even though I am six feet tall. (I just make the minimum height for The Tall Women’s Association)
All that said, having attended many therapy groups for transgendered MTF’s I have been appalled by the number of people who I believe to be ill advised by their therapists to make a radical transition. Men who will never, ever pass no matter how much surgery they have, I do believe that they are destined for a life of unhappiness. At a most recent group that I attended as a guest speaker, there were over sixty MTF transsexuals. I am quite sure, as a very empathetic woman, that well over two thirds of those attending were following very unhappy paths. I believe that therapists in this country as well as, doctors and surgeons exploit peoples conditions and are in fact exploiting specifically men who are escaping reality, having midlife crisis or wild fantasies. Many of these ill advised men, who have surgery end up committing suicide as they find themselves entirely un-accepted by either men or women. That old saying, you cannot make silk out of a sow’s ear is particularly true for these men. I am extremely blessed in that I “pass” and consequently live an extremely normal life with no more thought about who or what I am than the next person. I do think the medical profession is very much to blame for the the transsexuals you are referring to. And that is not to deny ones right to be whatever they wish. However, the facts speak for themselves, in you cannot seamlessly blend in with the gender you most relate to, then you are in for a great deal of hurt, and possible ultimately suicide. Obviously it doesn’t need to be pointed out that if you have no reason to question a woman’s gender, then it can be assumed she is authentic…..as a person.
we have become the enemy.
No sis.
We have always been the enemy.
Look at the post. Read the subtextual basis — not “between the lines”, but at the concepts and ideas that lie beneath what is said in order for the reason within it to become clear.
This writer fears difference from the others — it drives a portion of her life. She never escaped it, and there is some of that in every transperson you or I have ever met.
For her, its a lot more than some.
She considers happiness to be derived from passing, and equates the hardships of the very people I fight on behalf of with dissmissive “unhappiness”.
She forgets. she forgets her own pain, and how she got to that happiness. She has forgotten her own history.
Neat trick, huh? The problem is, look at what doing so has done — its made her shallow.
If I ever become that sort of shallow, shoot me.
Comment by Dyssonance — August 12, 2008 @ 2:52 am
So she somehow thinks therapists should add ‘passing privilege’ to their list of gatekeeping duties? My my, what are the quantitative standards? Would non-trans women who fail the standard be forced to transition the other way?
It is pretty standard for MTFs to transition in at least their 30s for various reasons. A time to reflect, various obligations out of the way, finally independent and no longer tied to their parents money supply, and so on. Note that age of transition has nothing to do with age of realization, it is just when you are able to do something about it. When I started transition in my early 30s older TSs thought I was transitioning early. Hormones are powerful drugs so are we to punish people now for what the drugs did to them, thereby amplifying their pain?
Before I transitioned I was numb. Not suicidal, but not actually *living* either. I could have made the decision not to do anything about it, but I would have just been plodding on aimlessly and always wondering about what path I could have taken instead.
The author has fallen into an old trap, that people in other minorities have ran into in the past. Thinking that the only way to escape oppression is by becoming an oppressor against her own community. The ‘I may be a trannsexual but at least I am not like them’ approach.
Comment by Kara Harkins — August 12, 2008 @ 3:48 am
Welllll–this all sounds very very familiar and makes me remember the trans-support groups at clinic twenty years ago. I quit the group when it turned into nothing but an ongoing shouting match between the same two or three, proposing much of what the author has said, (and yes, usually very successful in passing), and those poor ones who were more challenged in passing. I have always passed very well and at times I have been sucked into the arrogance of the author. I agree with both commentors that we become the problem when we forget our own past. This is not some game or pastime. It is not a beauty contest. It is not a passing contest. Ladies, I have known some GG’s who had to use the men’s room in public because nature made them so ‘masculine’ in appearance, that they brought riotous behavior from the other occupants of the ladies room! Should they be directed to become men then? Should we go on reality TV and let America decide who should or should not have SRS? I have known some beautiful MTF’s who have the sensibilities of a longshorman on his third boilermaker—and I have known MTF’s who were so homely it made you cry, but who had more genuine feminity in their personalities than the whole host of over-compensating MTF’s who were trying to “learn” to be female. And BTW, I have never seen a MTF who didn’t overcompensate at least some of the time….It is an urgency that is bewildering to all of us who have gone through it…and I just wonder when we will start holding each other up and being supportive rather than putting each other down. I have been both. I have been the newbie MTF clunking into group in a shift that made my unhormoned body look like a kite, and I have been the undetected feminine and passing woman who had to explain to my New Doctor that my reason for not wanting a pap smear is that I don’t have one of those–yet(or fascimile thereof). I have seen all of us present in places like Trinidad where it really gets real…and what we all want is for everybody to be alright and come through alright. I am lucky, I am grateful, I am blessed. I never had an adams apple, I never had a masculine body, I have never had cosmetic procedures and I don’t plan to have foot binding or anything like that! But, it is not about how we appear, or about how well we assimilate, or any of those superficialities–though they are an important dimension. The inside of a person is the thing that is important–and wherever any of you my fellow travelers are in this difficult journey, I accept you, I wish you well, and I pray that YOU will love who you are regardless of if anyone else ever does—as the nutty professor said: “you better learn to like yourself–because your going to spend a lot of time with you!”.
Nina
Comment by Nina — September 22, 2008 @ 8:54 am
well said, nina.
Comment by nexy — September 22, 2008 @ 9:53 am
And let’s not forget the prime directive:
“First be not a dickhead”.
Comment by stassa — October 10, 2008 @ 8:04 am
Everyone…have a great day today! I hope the fall weather is beautiful where you all are, and I hope that you are well, safe, and content.
Take Care,
Nina
Comment by Nina — October 10, 2008 @ 8:50 am