a couple of weeks ago, i received a forwarded email at my office. it was one of those mass-distributed emails, which are pretty uncommon. it was described as something that would lighten our day. a joke. it was titled “best ‘out of office’ email responses“, the type that microsoft outlook will generate automatically if you set it to respond to emails while you are not in the office.
the first stated:
i am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if i fail to get the position. please be prepared for my mood.
pretty funny.
the second one stated:
you are receiving this automail notification because i am out of the office. if i was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
even funnier.
and so it went for the next 7 examples. apparently, they saved the best for last. it went:
i will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. when i return, please refer to me as “lucille” instead of “steve”.
i had chuckled at all the ones previous. this one left me with a “deer in the headlights” reaction at first. i didn’t understand why the author thought it would be funny. then it hit me. it’s funny because it’s about trans people. trans women in particular. and trans women are funny.
it made me feel uncomfortable. and i still think about it every day. other people in my office must have read it, and perhaps found it funny. i wonder what they’d think if they knew my little “secret”.
i ran this situation past one of my friends who is gay, and whose opinion i trust. he chuckled when i told him that last one, so apparently he found it at least marginally funny. he explained that it was funny because transition just doesn’t happen like that. one doesn’t go away for two weeks and come back a different sex, and one certainly wouldn’t notify others through their auto response.
true. and perhaps i’m just being over-sensitive. i tend to be that way.
comments?
In my experience, even most “Gay” people would find that funny. They seem to be just as (at least, inwardly) transphobic as anyone else, if not more so. Those who have trans “friends” in the “community” just usually manage to “fake it” better.
(Yes, the quotes are supposed to suggest a bit of bitterness and disgust.)
Comment by Jon — July 16, 2008 @ 12:41 pm
while i’ve come across my share of transphobia in the lgb community, i don’t believe my friend, to whom i presented my dilemma, is transphobic. he’s probably the most welcoming gay man i’ve ever met. i don’t believe he’s faking it. though i’d agree that most people, including most gay people, would find that funny.
i’m not opposed to laughing at myself as a trans woman. i just felt this particular email was inappropriate, especially in a work environment, and especially in an environment that is supposed to hold “diversity” as one of it’s highest values. and for the most part, our work force is quite diverse, especially in the lower levels.
and frankly, i totally understand your bitterness. i take it you find the email inappropriate as well?
Comment by nexy — July 16, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
This is cissexual privilege.
Not transphobia — just plain old privilege.
its sexist, without a doubt, as well.
And I don’t think you are overly sensitive about it at all.
I’m the sort that gets the joke, can chuckle a bit if I’m in a good mood, if I’m in a foul one I’ll grimace and grumble and in either case I’ll just delete the stupid thing.
But then, I’m all the sort that would actually use such an out of office memo for the sheer perverse cruelty it can inflict.
Comment by Dyssonance — July 17, 2008 @ 1:26 am
“i take it you find the email inappropriate as well?”
I don’t know if I’d call it, “inappropriate”, as I’m not too sure what “appropriate” is, but “insulting” or “discouraging” might work.
Comment by Jon — July 17, 2008 @ 4:38 am
“Humor - it is a difficult concept. It is not logical. We learn by doing.”
Inappropriate for the workplace? Probably. Offensive? Only to the extent that a particular individual might find it funny and act on it. I don’t see how this is any different from the thousands of jokes about race, religion, ethnicity, lawyers, New Yorkers or what have you, that we all get exposed to from time to time. Why should trans people be any different, that we don’t have jokes made at our expense? We can’t legislate people’s sense of humor, so best just to let it go. That’s my two cents, fwiw.
Comment by Michelle — July 18, 2008 @ 7:24 am
Taken in context…it’s pretty harmless…
Comment by Susan — July 18, 2008 @ 10:29 pm
Hi!
I am the gay white male friend that chuckled…
I chuckled after I heard each on of them because of the absurdity I felt they all presented. Each one presented a situation that I felt would be too absurd to ever be shared in an auto response email (I get them all the time).
I also think it isn’t appropriate for the workplace and in my opinion most jokes aren’t, because at any given moment someone in the workplace could be experiencing the very essence of what the joke is about and it isn’t funny until the experience has been passed through and even then….sometimes not.
I do understand how hurtful jokes can be. I didn’t find gay jokes funny until I heard them from gay people.
I recognize I have real, as well as, perceived privelege not afforded to others. I understand that although I might be considered a sexual minority, I am white, I appear to be male and can actually pass for straight sometimes, especially when it appears there may be a beat down… I still can’t show public displays of affection without feeling like my life is in danger. I’ve been bashed twice, once by the cops…
I was raised with all the phobia’s mormons can muster in their trek for total control and world spiritual dominance and have been recovering from familial abuse and internalized homophobia/heterosexism for many years.
I am on a path of healing for myself and am growing as I go…It’s nice to have crossed paths with you and hope we can continue on.
Comment by John — July 22, 2008 @ 8:29 pm
thanks for your thoughts on this, john
Comment by nexy — July 23, 2008 @ 9:47 am