Comments on: who is confused?

By: nexy

nexy — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 06:33:06 +0000

i used to date a devout christian man, and he’d often take me to his church on sunday mornings. the first time i went, i thought that i might burst into flames when i walked through the door. of course, nothing happened.

they had recently voted to have the church be a “welcoming congregation”. it passed with like 60% of the vote. i remembered thinking that 40% of the people, if they knew my history, didn’t want me there. and i thought of that every time i used the bathroom.

By: StacyM

StacyM — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 00:29:15 +0000

I have a good friend who attends an evangelical megachurch in Montgomery County. The pastor of the church asked people to sign a petition to bring the Montgomery County law to referendum. Her pastor and several church friends tried to pressure her in to signing the petition. She told them where they could shove their petition.

I’ve attended this church a few times–an odd thing to do for an atheist, I’ll admit. However, going there has helped me figure out some of the ways in which Christianity damaged me as a child. Admittedly, it hasn’t been a comfortable experience. It is kind of hard to keep a sense of calm while being surrounded by hundreds of people who most likely believe I should suffer eternal agony for simply being myself.

After telling me about the petition story, I asked my friend if I could accompany her to church one more time. I was curious to see if I could feel some sense of forgiveness for these people. Well, I didn’t manage to feel much of a sense of forgiveness, but at least I wasn’t consumed with rage, as I had been the last time I attended.

The punch-line of the story is that I actually had to use the bathroom while I was there. So, I walked into the women’s room, as I would anywhere else, and let nature take its course. I felt a deep, mischievous sense of glee as I sat there in the stall, savoring the irony of the whole situation.

It was one of the more swank bathrooms I’ve been in. That church must generate a *lot* of revenue.

It would be interesting to have a large group of trans folk attend a church like this and then have the trans men use the women’s room and the trans women use the men’s room. Perhaps that would bring home the reality of their misguided notions? Probably not, but the trouble-maker in me has fun fantasizing about situations like this.

By: nexy

nexy — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 18:17:01 +0000

yes, that’s it exactly. and while the choice between freaking out others, or being the victim of “freaked out upon”, is hardly a pleasant choice (in fact, it totally sucks), i have more trouble dealing with physical pain - or perhaps more accurately, the fear of physical pain. so it’s certainly undesirable to freak people out, but the alternative is worse i think.

it just sucks that engaging in normal human function - peeing - is such a fracking issue. peeing in peace - what a concept.

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:00:29 +0000

Thinking on it further, I guess it really is actually the same thing at the core of it… in the Ladies room, we worry (or used to) about freaking people out; in the mens room, we worry (or used to) about people freaking out ON US.

Quite simply, the Ladies room is, or at least feels, SAFER for people like me and you.

By: nexy

nexy — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 15:15:35 +0000

yeah, i’ve never been very comfortable in public bathrooms either. i think that’s something we share. though for me, the ladies room is slightly more tolerable. it’s funny, even after all these years, i still feel a little out of place there, and like you, a bit nervous that i’ll freak someone out.

and one thing i can count on is that you’ll “get it”. thanks for that

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 11:32:16 +0000

Actually, I sort of have to take that back. Back when I was forced to use the ladies room, I felt horrible… because I scared the heck out of everyone in there. I felt forced to alter my speaking voice (to sound like “a girl”) and quickly speak to whomever I came in contact with, or to a friend, if I was lucky enough to have a friend go in with me… talking about “girl” stuff or at the least, bashing men… to “reassure” the stranger that I was “harmless”. I never felt comfortable scaring the women (or girls) in there, and avoided public restrooms as often as humanly possible. I just never looked like a girl, but I couldn’t stand to pee, so the mens room wasn’t too easy for me to deal with either, even if I did look more like I “belonged” in there. …but according to the letter on my ID, I “belonged” in the ladies room.

I look forward to reading whatever you’re working on. Although our stories and problems are/were a bit different from one another’s, I’m sure that I’ll “get it”.

By: nexy

nexy — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 05:00:03 +0000

lol! @ felix! too bad i can’t join you - i’m forced into the men’s room, at least in montgomery county

and the men’s room has always scared me too, jon

and sorry about the spoiler. just don’t read my next review - i’ll be getting more specific…

By: Felix

Felix — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 22:35:44 +0000

I want to go in the Ladies room with Buck Angel!

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 22:32:51 +0000

p.s. I’d have no problems with the Ladies room, but the Men’s room DOES scare me. (odd linguistic thing with that apostrophe)

…take it for what it’s worth, I guess.

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 22:26:40 +0000

I think the better question is, “WHO is Scared?”

…just my take on it.