i remember in april of 2007, barbara walters did a piece on 20/20 about transgender youth, and there were a few blog posts about it. jen, of transcending gender, posted a few quotes from the press release. the one that caught my eye stated:
This program will portray the true meaning of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as Barbara intimately explores the lives of three incredible families and their transgender children.
i responded in the comments by quoting the first part of that passage and adding:
right, because it so very much requires unconditional love to stay with the horror that is a trans person. apparently, regular love just won’t cut it.
*sigh*
i had the same reaction to the post over on dented blue mercedes called notable comments.
now don’t get me wrong. i understand that trans people are not well thought of in our society (and frankly, most others as well). and it takes a lot of extra effort on the part of most people to wrap their heads around the concept of trans. and for most families who find that one of their members is trans, it’s takes a great deal of patience and understanding to come to terms with our status.
i suppose i just have an issue with the idea that being trans is so horrible, that it takes unconditional love to deal with a family member who is trans.
it also brings to mind that movie mask, with cher and eric stoltz. cher had what most would call “unconditional love” for her son rocky, who suffered from a “disfiguring” affliction.
are trans people so “disfigured”, that it takes “unconditional love” to love us, stand by us, be our lovers, our friends, and our family?
Oh, for Pete’s sake Nexy!
I, for one, saw nothing wrong with what that person wrote. Unconditional love is the least that should be expected from ANY decent parent of ANY child.
I think you’re overreacting to a non existing problem.
Comment by Samantha Davis — February 10, 2008 @ 1:50 am
> are trans people so “disfigured”, that it takes “unconditional love” to love us, stand by us, be our lovers, our friends, and our family?
According to the dominant culture, yes. And being, by and large, products of that culture, we carry that attitude within us.
Comment by Val — February 10, 2008 @ 5:28 am
Aren’t we all disfigured? Good God, I am absolutely relying on unconditional love from my husband, these days, because I am a wreck. Unconditional love is the kind of love that matters.
Comment by Christine — February 10, 2008 @ 6:18 am
“Unconditional love is the least that should be expected from ANY decent parent of ANY child.”
that’s exactly my point - perhaps i wasn’t making myself clear.
Comment by nexy — February 10, 2008 @ 8:02 am
I think (sadly) that for many parents, what they call “love” for their children IS conditional - only available so long as the “child” of 35 or whatever is heterosexual, not trans, etc. They damage themselves just as much as their offspring and the rest of the family, of course. The unconditional love spoken of above does not convey the inference that trans youngsters are tragic or horrible, just that their identities are SO hard for parents to get their heads around and they rightfully fear for their son or daughter’s safety in a hostile world. For them to fully display such love means they have no choice but to become activists and voice that love regardless of the risks. Brave and loving parents, indeed! All good wishes, Felix (in the UK, where our support group “Mermaids” helps out in the above situation).
Comment by Felix — February 11, 2008 @ 2:19 am
Agree with Felix on this one. Parents’ love is often conditional in the sense that they place expectations on children. However, it is unconditional in the sense that parents work to provide food, clothing and shelter (and in most cases higher education) without expecting that to be returned to them. If being a willing provider of these things qualifies as love, then that’s one definition. But other expressions of parental love, like acceptance, nurturing, pleasant companionship and a sense of connection, can be a little harder to come by if the child doesn’t fulfill the parent’s expectations of them.
Comment by Michelle — February 11, 2008 @ 8:56 am