i read with interest sabrina star’s post entitled variations in the experience of ‘having gender’ which reviews some of her experiences in attempting to describe trans issues with her radical feminist friends.
she writes:
When i tried to explain to my friend that i experience my transsexuality as persisting in spite of rather than because of cultural gender enforcement, this confused her. But i think i understand this, now, too.
See, for a long time it has deeply puzzled me to hear it said that transsexuality is an enforcement of the gender binary. From my perspective it is has been very clearly a total transgression. At no point did anyone ever say to me, “Well, if that’s the way you really feel about it, then why don’t you just switch to the other side? Just as long as you’re not… you know… androgynous.” Generally instead what i hear is that people suggest i should be some kind of “unconventional male.” I actually even tried that.
i can see how some feminists perceive some trans people as enforcing the gender binary. a man, who expresses his gender in traditional manly ways, starts expressing his gender in traditional womanly ways, by wearing womens clothes, hairstyles, jewelry, and so on, and interacts with other people in traditionally womenly ways, by changing the words he might use in conversation (like using “tummy” instead of “stomach” or “belly”, and asking questions instead of making statements), and employing other gendered behaviors.
now if all trans people did this, then i’d agree that trans people do enforce the gender binary. in that line of reasoning, trans people would be exchanging one set of gendered behaviors for another.
but that has not been my experience with all trans people. quite the contrary, in fact. many trans people i know were never traditional men, and they are not now traditional women. they lived outside the traditional behaviors of men before transition, and now live outside traditional behaviors of women. and not without a lot of grief from the other members of society, i might add, both before and after.
and some, like myself, go as far as to reject any kind of gendered self-identification. granted, i legally changed my sex to female because that’s how people see me (that’s right, i do not set off people’s “manometers” when they see or interact with me), and i have to make a living to pay my bills. something that requires my legal documents to align with the perception that people have of me.
funny thing is, i don’t wear dresses, heels, makeup, or nail polish, and while i have long hair, i had long hair before transition too. with apologies to my rad fem friends, it’s not my fault that people see me as a woman. that’s been a problem since childhood for me (only back then, they saw me as a girl), and at some point in my 20’s, realizing that i had to get a job, i began to change my appearance according to traditional male stereotypes. i grew a beard, i cut my hair short, i took up more space, and i started to talk using traditional male phrases. “i gotta take a piss”, instead of “i gotta pee” goes a long way in our society in being accepted as a man. those aren’t my rules, but one needs to avoid getting the crap beat out of them on a regular basis, should one want to attain some level in their quality of life.
i became increasing more conflicted as i increasing tried to act more manly to fit in. so at some point, i just stopped.
i grew my hair back, i shaved off my beard, i stopped talking funny, and i started shopping in the section of the clothing departments that offered clothes that actually fit my body, and had styles i liked.
and in order to function in our society, i transitioned. as i said, i need to hold down a job because i have bills to pay.
and while i see myself as very much androgynous, in both the context of my appearance and behavior, society sees me as very much feminine. except when i fix up my husband’s truck, or the house, or use power tools, or drool over motorcycles, or visit the shooting range. then, i’m seen as some kind of radical feminist. yeah, ironic, i know. but a few friends at work often send me links to feminist articles because they think i’m all about breaking down stereotypical female behavior and appearances.
when in fact, i’m just being me.
i have no gender identity. i don’t care if my appearance or behavior fits into traditional male or female stereotypes. and i don’t “feel” like a woman or a man. i followed the medically prescribed transition path because it allowed me to be who i am, and still make a living while enabling me to function in our society.
and to that, i plead guilty.
Very good points Nexy. I would say I went through a very similar process as you did in life. When I was a child, I was quite feminine in my appearance and manner (for a male, at least), but pretty much got it beaten out of me from societal pressure. But even into adulthood, I was not a typical male - in fact, it was one of the things that my ex-spouse found attractive about me was that I wasn’t some alpha-male caveman.
Where we differ is that I felt a need to physically change, to feminize my body (i.e., I got cosmetic while you didn’t), partly to fit in for the practical reasons you describe, but it also mattered to my self-esteem. While no one would call me a slave to fashion, I wear makeup everyday for the same reason a genetic girl does - vanity. It makes me feel pretty and I enjoy the compliments I get. I don’t feel any need to apologize or defend to anyone my right to do whatever I want to feel good about myself.
Comment by Michelle — June 7, 2007 @ 6:33 am
there’s nothing wrong with vanity - i think a majority of us humans are vain to some degree or another. it’s important, i think, to point out that like all groups, trans people are not all the same - some of us wear makeup (as one example) and others don’t. some of use wear dresses, and others wear only pants.
and you’re right no one should have to apologize or defend themselves in the choices they make about their appearance or other personal choices, especially when it comes to survival or feeling good about themselves.
i’m not saying we shouldn’t examine our motivations for why we do these things, but i am saying that we, as a group, exhibit as much diversity (if not more) than any other group, yet we seem to be held to a different standard.
Comment by nexy — June 7, 2007 @ 11:16 am
I tried to transition. Couldn’t do it. It wasn’t because I couldn’t hack it though. I keep thinking, why? The word transition implies that you’re changing from one thing into another, that there’s something wrong with the way you are. At this point in my life, I don’t think I need that. You say that you did it to fit better into society, and if that’s what you need and want, then that’s great. I personally would rather die than do what society says I must do to fit in. When I was younger I used to worry GREATLY about fitting in, even though I wasn’t very good at it. Now though, I have a job that I can go dressed all fem, or goth-ish for that matter, and people there either deal with it or not. I’ve got a sort of weird truce with my management. I dress and act as I want, and they leave me alone about it. In return, I don’t rip their hearts out when I walk into a conversation that has suddenly stopped and realize that they were making fun of me. More because I also make fun of them with friends at work, than the fact that I’m just not the heart ripping out kinda girl. But as long as they don’t know that, everything seems to be at least pseudo-balanced and I act as I please.
My entire life I thought I wasn’t good enough. There was a time that I thought I wanted to be a girl because I wanted to shed my old personality and start over completely different. The longer I live though, the stronger I grow psychologically and emotionally and I really believe that I don’t need to change. I am what I am. I’m not a man, but not really a woman either. I can see a little from the perspective of those two genders but my gender is not either one of them. I grow my hair long and wear make-up and then two days later my beard starts to grow back in and I don’t shave. Not because I like a beard, but because I hate shaving. If I could afford to laser it I would, but I can’t, so for part of the week I’m scruffy and the other part I’m soft. What does society think of that? I really don’t give a damn.
If I had a different job I would need to either transition or not, and that would throw a wrench in my whole scheme. For now though it works and I have too many other things to worry about (although honestly, I do worry about it sometimes).
Comment by Emily Grae — June 8, 2007 @ 5:53 am
i think there’s a difference between “fitting in” and remaining “functional”. you touch on that when you speak about your job, and how they either deal with it or not. i think it’s important to point out that they don’t “deal with it or not” by firing you.
i’ve found that i cannot find a job unless my legal documents match the way that people see me. so in order to work and pay my bills, transition provided a method to achieve functionality for me. and i won’t deny that it also provided a greater degree of functionality in my personal life, in my relationships, and with regard to how i see myself.
for me, “transition” is a medical term, defined by the patriarchal machine that we call “medical science”. i don’t believe i “crossed” any divides, which is what the term implies. as i mentioned, “i don’t “feel” like a woman or a man”. i just followed a medically defined path to improve the quality of my life.
Comment by nexy — June 8, 2007 @ 12:01 pm
I’m all for improving the quality of ones life, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t have had srs, not at all. There are definately times I wish I could do that as well. It’s the whole “do it to please society that will never accept us anyway” kinda thing… I know exactly what you mean, and I agree with you completely. As much as I’m “accepted” at work, it’s a pseudo acceptance mostly, and only a handful of people accept me as me. The rest of it is like you said, “deal with it or not by not firing me.”
I’d much rather have them deal with it by accepting me as me, but because that’s not going to happen, I’ve adopted my current attitude of gender-flux that doesn’t care about what society said. If society thought what I was doing was wonderful, I’m sure I’d be pleased as punch. I’m just tired of trying to fit in where I know I never will, no matter what I do.
Comment by Emily Grae — June 8, 2007 @ 7:48 pm
I think the key point is that we all do whatever we feel we must do in order to feel comfortable. While I admire Emily’s path of being herself even if it causes other people to be uncomfortable, it’s not a path that would have worked for me. As weird as my life has become by most standards, I haven’t given up on “fitting in” simply because I don’t want to deal with the noise generated from living a public life outside the norm. I transitioned because I felt I could be more comfortable with myself living in a female role than in a male role, and I didn’t want to draw undue attention to myself, and it turned out to be the right decision for me so far. I don’t have the strength or courage (like Emily) to challenge society’s gender barriers, nor would I want to even if I did. But I’m glad she’s living her life so openly, because her life contributes to the larger goal of acceptance for gender variance in society as a whole.
Comment by Michelle — June 11, 2007 @ 8:56 am
Annenberg_School_of_Journalism…
Frangula purshiana John B. Allen Shut Down Perry Township KXVU-TV Valencene Broadcast Twelve Records Tibor Radó Palmyra Township, Minnesota Protector’s Privy Council …
Trackback by Protector's Privy Council — June 21, 2007 @ 12:57 pm