Don’t Call Me A Lesbian

A question recent posted on Lesbian Life at asked

“Question: I am at the very early stages of being a transsexual, and I want to be a woman. I also love women. Could I consider myself a lesbian?”

I’ve struggled to define my own sexuality, so this question has been ever present in my mind.

Kathy Belge, of Curve’s “Lipstick and Dipstick” fame, responded by saying:

“Yes, transsexuals can be homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things. Gender identity is the sex you believe yourself to be, regardless of what body you were born into.

Sexual orientation describes the gender of the people you are attracted to. Your sexual orientation can be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight.”

For the longest time I self identified as bisexual, but I’ve come to realize that my primary attraction is to women. I’ve never had the type of intimacy with a man that I’ve had women, and that’s at the center of what I want from a partner.

But, I’d never identify myself as a lesbian. There is too much drama that is involved with doing so. The words of a friend in the comments of my post “Is The Radical Feminist Movement Our Enemy?” sums it up best:

Sadly I’ve had too many recent encounters with lesbian women that have made me realize that most of the “acceptance” I thought I’d felt from them, including my best friend of two years, was fake. More like being politically correct so you don’t minimize the poor trannys’ plight. They’ll let you hang with them, but more as a freaky mascot or something. You are not getting admission into their world. In my personal experience, the biggest heap of prejudice I get is from gays and lesbians. They just seem incapable or unwilling to ever let you be anything beyond that T.

I’m not condemning everyone in the lesbian community. The attitudes are changing with time. The younger set of gays and lesbians seem to understand gender and sexual fluidity much easier than the older crowd does. But by the culture of lesbians that are around my age (I’m 39), I’m conditionally accepted.

I’m not going to fight to wear a label. When asked about my sexual orientation, I’ll just say that I’m a woman that loves other women.


  1. Misty July 20, 2007
  2. Misty July 19, 2007
  3. Patti your queer friend July 20, 2007
  4. Patti your queer friend July 20, 2007
  5. Marti Abernathey July 20, 2007
  6. Rebecca July 21, 2007
  7. Rebecca July 21, 2007
  8. nexy July 21, 2007
  9. nexy July 21, 2007
  10. nexy July 21, 2007
  11. queen emily July 21, 2007
  12. queen emily July 21, 2007
  13. nexy July 21, 2007
  14. nexy July 21, 2007
  15. Bella July 23, 2007
  16. Bella July 23, 2007
  17. belledame222 July 26, 2007
  18. belledame222 July 25, 2007
  19. Marti Abernathey July 26, 2007
  20. Steph Mineart August 3, 2007
  21. Steph Mineart August 3, 2007
  22. Marti Abernathey August 3, 2007
  23. Marti Abernathey August 3, 2007
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