Becky’s Blog

For once, this post has nothing to do with being transgender, LGBT rights, or anything related to those topics, or at least it didn’t used to.

In 1980, I was 18 years old and living in Manhattan. That summer, I worked as a messenger for an insurance brokerage on Madison Avenue. My job was to collect insurance binders from the main office, run them downtown to the offices of major corporate insurance companies and obtain signatures, and then return the signed documents to the brokerage at the end of my daily runs.

My first stop of the day was always the World Trade Center. I’d arrive at the major hub subway station directly underneath the Twin Towers and head upstairs to where some of the offices I needed to visit were. I knew those buildings well, and I knew the folks who worked in them. I remember the first time I visited one of those offices on the 86th floor. As I was admitted past the receptionist and into the main area where the insurance writers worked to get my signatures, I was transfixed by the panorama of Manhattan revealed by the floor-to-ceiling windows which gave one the sense of being on a platform floating high above the city. I was hardly the only one who got that sensation, apparently, when one of the insurance writers walking by who noticed me staring out the windows that first day told me “Don’t worry, you get used to it after a while.”.

He was right. I did get used to it. Those offices and those amazing views of the city became commonplace for me after a while, as I learned all the shortcuts and people to talk to get me quickly to the places I needed to go to accomplish my daily tasks there. There were the receptionists who recognized me and would just wave me in rather than make me wait like others to be invited inside. There were the security guards and police officers who’d allow me the use of restricted stairwells and side doors to easily move from office to office and floor to floor. There were the ticket-takers at the observation deck who’d let me slip in without paying so I could eat my lunch comfortably looking out across the massive vista spread out before me. So many people who I knew by only a smile and a wave as we all went about our daily duties. I never thought, even for a moment, that the World Trade Center was anything more than a really cool place to spend part of my working day, or that all of those people I saw for just moments each day were transitory, that someday it and they could all be gone, just like that.

I know many people reading this have never lived in and around New York City and probably never even saw the World Trade Center in person while it existed. While not suggesting for a moment that one had to be a physical witness to this place in order to appreciate its loss, I nonetheless also believe that for those who did, for those who lived and worked in the area and especially for those of us who knew that place intimately, even for just a while, the tragedy of 9/11 carries an even greater sense of loss.

I remember when the Towers were completed and opened in the early 70’s when I was just a child. It was always the very first feature of the Manhattan skyline that would come into view as you approached New York City by car from the south. As I grew into adulthood, it became a defining symbol of what New York was, surpassing the Empire State Building as the single most easily identified feature of the Manhattan skyline. When I moved back to New Jersey, it was still always there, even if I barely noticed it after a while, whenever I went into the city or passed by on my way elsewhere. It wasn’t something I thought about or gave any more real consideration to more than any other landmark one might see. It just wasn’t something you really paid attention to as a local, until one day those tall, shining towers just weren’t there anymore.

I remember the day it happened like it was yesterday. I was sleeping when the phone rang. It was my mother, calling from work, telling me to get up and turn on the television. I did, saw the smoke streaming from the first tower, and just seconds later, I watched the second plane hit as it happened on live TV. It’s an image that will be burned into my mind forever. Like the rest of America, I spent that afternoon glued to my television but even after all those hours of witnessing that horror on the small screen, it didn’t seem quite real. At the time it happened, it felt like I was watching a spectacular Hollywood action movie. The reality of what had happened, the lives lost, the damage, all of it, didn’t seem to be reality despite all the evidence to the contrary.

It wasn’t until a week later, when my mother and went to visit my grandmother in Brooklyn and we drove down the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway with a full view of downtown Manhattan, that it really sunk in. When I looked across the East River, where those towers had always completely dominated the landscape because of their close proximity, about as close as you can come to the site from the Brooklyn side without actually entering Manhattan, their absence was jarring. Buildings that had always been blocked from view from that angle were now clearly in view, parts of the sky which had always been blocked by the towers rising into the sky were visible. At first it seemed almost surreal, and then it seemed more real than I could have imagined.

A part of New York City, the place I was born and came of age in, the city I fell in love with and was not only my home but the place where I felt most at home and welcome as someone who was different than most as a punk rocker in black leather and bad attitude, was gone. More than simply part of the skyline, more than simply a place I had worked when I was younger, it felt like a significant part of my youth and my memory of that time had been stolen from me.

It’s still as true for me to today as it was then. Even now as I approach Manhattan I can’t help but notice that skyline and what’s missing from it. And when I notice, I remember. I remember everything, not only about what the magnitude of the loss of those buildings and those people represent to me personally and to all of us as a nation, but also how fleeting life can be, and how something that I once thought simply a part of what my reality was, a symbol that defined a place I love, can so quickly and completely be taken away from me, and from all of us.

And when I remember, it still hurts.

Dear Joe,

I’ve heard you’re going to be posting on the Bilerico Project again, so I’m writing this in the hopes that you’ll read it and respond.

First and foremost, before you read any further, let me say this: I’m not about to bash you again. I’ve done plenty of that, and while we can argue as to whether it’s deserved or not, that’s not the purpose of this letter. No, I’m putting all that aside for the moment because I want you to hear from me, one of your loudest and most vocal detractors, why I go after you and HRC as often and as enthusiastically as I do, why so many of us are furious with you and why we make that fury known on the blogs with such volume and venom.

I think it’ll help to illustrate the point I want to make here if I tell you a little about myself that you probably don’t know. In that vein, here’s a tidbit you might find hard to believe but is nonetheless absolutely true. I first came out trans and began living as a woman in 1997, and a couple of years after that I attended my very first Pride event in Philadelphia. While at the street festival that day, I bought my very first LGBT-identifying thing to wear, an HRC t-shirt. I kid you not. This was a very huge deal for me, having hidden my true gender identity all of my life and by then was well into a six-year stretch of unemployment precipitated by my own stupid mistake of telling my last boss of my impending transition. I was well-liked and on a short list of candidates for promotion, but less than two weeks later I was out of a job, just like that. No reasons given, no disciplinary issues, just coming into work one day to hear “You’re fired. Pick up your check Friday.”.

I was terrified of public ridicule and exposure before I worked up the courage to go to Philly for Pride and present myself openly as an out Queer-identified transwoman for the very first time in my life. That HRC t-shirt I bought that day was a rite of passage for me, a public declaration of my identity and my pride in myself, and I wore it with pride…for a while.

After a while, though, it wasn’t so easy to muster that pride anymore. Month after month and year after year went by with no job interview making it past the first five or ten minutes, and with some even asking me to leave immediately when I appeared for my interview. In every case, I was told, either by the demeanor of the person I interviewed with or directly, in so many words, “We don’t hire people like YOU!”.

I don’t know if you know what it’s like to be unemployed for six straight years, Joe, but I can tell you it’s not fun, and on top of that it makes you angry and bitter as hell. I was lucky in that I have family that kept a roof over my head and food in my stomach but beyond those essentials and a computer with an Internet connection, I had nothing at all, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. No entertainment aside from that which I could get on TV and online, no offline social life whatsoever, no car, no access to public transportation, no nothing other than the small amounts of pocket cash I acquired from friends and family at birthdays and holidays. That’s it. That was my life for six long years.

I had to do something to keep myself from going insane with boredom so I started writing, which eventually evolved into political commentary as I became more educated about our community and what it really means to be a transperson socially and politically in this country. I developed community connections, first with fellow transpeople and later with gays and lesbians as well. I discovered and fell in love with LGBT-oriented radio, eventually teaming up with a fellow transwoman, Marti Abernathey, to create and host our own Internet radio show for transgender people.

Over this time, the more I learned about HRC and their positions on employment rights for transfolks and support for transpeople in general, the more disenchanted with the organization I became. Perhaps at the time I was a bit too naive to understand how an organization like HRC which says it supports the rights of transgender people could do so little to support us in reality. So I talked to people, a lot of people, those who’d been around a lot longer than I had, and the vast majority all told me essentially the same things: “Don’t trust Congress, don’t trust GenderPAC, and don’t trust the Human Rights Campaign. They’ll tell you they support us, but in reality they only care about themselves.”.

It was easy to believe these things. After all, this advice was not only given to me often as a baby transactivist, but it was clearly backed up by what we saw going on in Washington. People made accusations against HRC and Congress and these accusations were almost always proven to be correct sooner or later. After a while, I always believed the worst of HRC when I heard it because it almost inevitably proved to be true.

So, enough about myself, it’s time to get to the point here. My story is by no means unique. In fact, I’d venture to say that probably most transitioned transsexuals can tell a version of it from their own lives. Devastatingly long periods of unemployment, blatant bigotry and discrimination on and off the job, being treated like a mental defective or gutter trash when you show up for an interview, and on and on. I’d ask you to take a moment, Joe, and imagine, just for a moment, that you lived through something like this as an integral part of your coming out process. What do you think it would have done to you? How would you perceive an organization like HRC which supports and endorses enacting laws which protect others from discrimination but not yourself? How would you see your government when even those you’d expect to be among the first to support you and your equality are just as eager as the rest to enact anti-discrimination laws that leave you and those like you about unprotected while protecting everyone else?

Honestly, Joe, how would you feel if this had been your life? And if you can be honest in that assessment, then I suspect that you can also understand why so many transpeople and our allies feel the way we do, about you and about the organization you lead. I’m sure you’ve also noticed that while we call out the Democrats quite frequently for their failings, we seem to have a special level of antagonism and outright rage reserved for HRC that we don’t display toward anyone else, not the Dems and not even the right-wing hatemongers. You might think that’s unfair, but there’s a very good reason for it, and it can be boiled down to a single sentence: We expect you to know better.

Anyone who follows politics knows that politicians, no matter who they are or what political party they hail from, cannot be trusted to reliably fulfill the promises they make. Sure, we get plenty angry at Barney Frank and the rest for treating us badly, but we expect to be sold out for political gain by politicians. We don’t feel that same level of intense anger toward the politicians because we don’t really expect them to keep their promises.

It’s different for HRC though, and it’s different because HRC itself has been telling us it’s different for years now. Until very recently the Democrats never claimed to support us, but your organization proactively took on the role of speaking for us in Washington. HRC told us they represent us and fight for us. They told us they were on our side, that HRC is our voice in Washington. They promised us that HRC would not support any legislation that didn’t include all of us. But then, the very first time those commitments were tested, the very first time HRC was called upon to really stand up and act as our advocate, you guys folded like a house of cards. Again Joe, if you were one of us how would you feel about HRC and the promises the organization had made to represent your interests and support your rights?

I’ve heard that you’ve said you understand why we’re angry, but I really don’t think you do, because if you did, if you really, truly understood why we feel so betrayed by HRC and why your statement at Southern Comfort and what happened just days afterward so enraged transpeople as well as other fairminded LGBT’s and progressives, you’d be doing things differently. Once again, it’s all in those six little words: We expect you to know better.

The truth of it is, Joe, even all of that is only part of why we’re so eager to publicly rip you and HRC to shreds. The other part is not about your actions as much as it is about your behavior. Instead of seeking to open a dialog and work toward a solution that would benefit all of us, HRC has chosen to circle the wagons, cut itself off from communication with the rest of the greater community, and continue to ignore the clear will of the majority and do whatever it feels like doing, apparently with little or no regard for how it affects the rest of us. It’s not just that we don’t like what you’re doing, it’s that the way you’re doing it is arrogant as hell.

You don’t work with the community, you don’t talk to us, you offer carefully selected, ultra-clean business leaders like Diego Sanchez to Congress as representatives of who our community is, but you never really tell the rest of our story, do you? Diego is a wonderful person and an excellent example for anyone, trans or not, but does he really represent and reflect the real rank-and-file American transgender community? Given the statistics we all know so well, it’s fair to say that it’s highly likely that success stories like Diego’s are the exception not the rule and they offer Congress a completely misleading picture of what’s really going on out there. I’d bet that there are far more transpeople who go to work every day wearing a blue-collar uniform than a business suit (that is, those of us fortunate enough to have any employment at all).

It’s important to present people like Diego as examples of our best, but when you fail to also present those who represent the everyday reality most of us actually live in as transpeople you not only do a disservice to our community by portraying us inaccurately but you also send a message that the vast majority of us aren’t good enough to be recognized and heard. When you refuse to enter into a public dialog with us on these issues which are so critical to every aspect of our daily lives you send the message that HRC feels no responsibility to be accountable to the rest of the community for what it does on our behalf. Once again, it’s hardly surprising that most of us see you as arrogant and interested only in self-promotion since that’s exactly the message you’re sending us by your actions, or perhaps more specifically, your lack of action. And yes, once again, we’re as angry as we are and we see you as we do because we expect you to know better.

A few weeks ago, I wrote to Brad Luna to invite you on my radio show. I got back a polite but firm denial then, so I’m going to make you the same offer now, publicly, for all of our readers to see. Come on my show and let’s get into the issues. Let’s talk about why HRC has acted as it has, why you continue to actively support a non-inclusive ENDA in opposition to not only the will of most of the rest of the American LGBT community but also a significant number of members of Congress, including the man most likely to become our next President. When I had Hilary Rosen on my show, I asked her what she thought about your promise at Southern Comfort and she responded that you had no business making such a statement in the first place. I want to ask you about that too, and I also want to ask you about the future. What happens with ENDA next year and how will HRC fit in? What plans does HRC have to help ensure that the next ENDA to be voted on will be fully inclusive? How will things be different when Barack Obama is in the White House?

Yes, I’ll ask you tough questions and expect answers, but I don’t want you on my show to attack you, I want you on because I think we deserve some answers. If and when I really want to bash you and HRC publicly I certainly have no shortage of media venues in which to do so, but doing so on my show would serve no more useful purpose than doing so in this letter would, and as someone who has a radio show of your own I’m sure you understand my reasoning. I encourage you to follow the link above and listen to my interview with Hilary Rosen. As I would with you, I did not shy away from asking her tough questions, but always respectfully and cordially as you will hear. Furthermore, as I did with Hilary Rosen I make you the promise that my callers will not be permitted to bash you either. I have rules against that sort of thing on my show, and they will be just as strictly enforced for your appearance as they have been for any other guest I’ve ever had on my show.

So, there it is, Joe. I’ve laid it on the line. If you and HRC really want to work toward a resolution to this conflict and unite this community, the first thing that needs to happen is for us to start talking to each other, not just a few chosen people behind closed doors, but out in the open, in public, in a venue accessible to everyone. If you want to work with the community, you have to engage with the community. Closed-door meetings just aren’t going to cut it. If you really want to change hearts and minds, you have to speak where you can and will be heard by those you seek to appeal to or it’s all just shouting in the dark.

We expect you to know better, but nothing we’ve seen or heard from you as yet tells us that you do. If you want us to believe otherwise, you need to tell us why we should. I’m offering my show as a public venue to begin that process and I hope you’ll accept.  As it has been for some time now, the next move is yours, and I hope you’ll take advantage of this offer.

If you want to speak for us, you also have to speak with us. It’s my hope that now, after all that’s gone on, that you finally will.

I look forward to your response and to speaking with you.

Sincerely,

Rebecca Juro

A new study released today indicates how woefully behind the times the Democratic Congressional leadership and the Human Rights Campaign are in terms of their support for LGBT “bread and butter” issues, and most especially on workplace rights for transgender and gender variant people. Contrary to the statements of members of Congress such as Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi, and directly in opposition to the HRC polling results released last year commonly considered to be bogus at best if not intentionally tweaked to support their own position which claimed that about 60% of LGBT’s supported a non-inclusive ENDA, this survey conducted by Harris Interactive indicates that 71% of Americans believe that transgender workers should be judged on their work performance, not their gender identity. In comparison, those who feel gay and lesbian people should be accorded the same respect polled at only a mere 8% higher at 79%, effectively putting the lie once and for all to that old saw promoted by the Frank/Pelosi/Aravosis crowd that ”straight-acting only” civil rights initiatives enjoy much more support that those inclusive of transgender people.

So now with the real truth finally on the table, we’re left with reality. Since we now know that gay and lesbian rights don’t have substantially more support than transgender rights anymore as some still like to claim, we’re forced to conclude that the real motivators for the support of the Democratic Congressional leadership are the two things that the transgender community will never be able to match our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers in: voting numbers and money.

The Democrats are still looking for that easy score without having to actually work for it. We saw it in the way they couldn’t even muster the courage to actually include any of us by name in the 2008 Democratic Party Platform, and we’re seeing it right now in the way that Barney Frank and the rest of the Dem leadership are still hedging their bets by refusing to stand up and say they will fight to ensure our rights as American citizens to be protected from unjust discrimination. Simply a mention of gender identity in the platform is nice to see but is essentially worthless without a real and specific commitment to action backing it up. In a nutshell, Democratic leaders in Congress are still running away from dealing with us just like HRC does, are still trying to sell us lies about the level of support for our basic rights under the law just like HRC does, and therefore, just like HRC, cannot be trusted to follow through on our behalf fairly and honestly.

Certainly no surprises here to be sure, but this study does provide a certain statistical validity to what many of us have been saying for years, that in the end these people really don’t care about anyone or anything other than themselves, their Party, and their own money and political power, certainly not about us. As I’ve written in the past, these people have been feeding us lies for years now, but it’s only recently, when Joe Solmonese got up in front of a podium in front of a thousand transfolks and taught us why the Human Rights Campaign can never be trusted by anyone who isn’t rich, white, and politically connected, that everyone else in our community is starting to understand that nothing you hear from any of these people can be accepted as truthful without deep, intensive, and constant verification and re-verification. Even then any promises which might be made can and will not only be reneged upon the moment they become inconvenient, but they’ll eagerly fall all over themselves to back up their lies and misrepresentations with dubious statistics and misleading public statements.

The truth telling doesn’t stop there, however. This study also reveal several other interesting statistics which are at odds to varying degrees with what our “leaders” are willing to say publicly:

“Three out of four (75%) heterosexuals feel that spouses of married heterosexual employees and committed partners of gay and lesbian employees both should receive leave when they lose a spouse/partner or close family member.”

“More than two-thirds (68%) of heterosexuals feel that spouses of married heterosexual employees and committed partners of gay and lesbian employees both should receive leave rights for family and medical emergencies as outlined in FMLA.”

“(A)lmost two-thirds (64%) of heterosexuals feel that spouses of married heterosexual employees and committed partners of gay and lesbian employees both should receive untaxed health benefits under federal law.”

You certainly wouldn’t think any of this were true if you went solely by the behavior of our “friends” in Congress, that’s for sure. It’s pretty clear that many of these folks are still stuck somewhere around 1975 in terms of understanding and being tuned in to what’s really going on in modern LGBT America.

But wait…it gets even better:

“About two of three (65%) of gays and lesbians faced some sort of discrimination in the workplace.”

“Nearly half (47%) of gays and lesbian adults heard anti-gay comments on the job.”

“More than one-third (36%) of gays and lesbians say they remain closeted at work.”

“One out of five (20%) gays and lesbians report being harassed on the job by co-workers.”

Oh yeah, gays and lesbians are just soooooo more popularly accepted than we transfolks are…really.

Hopefully, this study and others like it will finally put the cap on the stream of lies we’ve been hearing from the Democrats about our basic civil rights as American citizens for decades now. If Barney and the House Dems are going to turn tail and cower under a rock again when called upon to stand up for justice for transgender people, we should make certain to publicize these statistics far and wide to illustrate that it’s not really the level of acceptance that’s causing the Dems to refuse to stand up for real American justice, it’s just that we don’t have the money and votes to purchase the same level of fairness and equal treatment from our federal government which other citizens are extended automatically.

Yes, Barack Obama is a messenger of hope. The real problem is that the Democratic Congressional leadership routinely marks such messages “Return To Sender” when they concern LGBT people, and especially transgender people. If they want to prove to us that things have changed, one hearing isn’t going to do it. After promises and more promises all suddenly just disappearing without a trace the moment they become inconvenient for cowardly do-nothing Democrats, it’s no longer reasonable to take anything at all from these people simply on faith.

As always, words mean nothing here. The real proof is in the legislation itself and in the votes it receives. See that big hole in ENDA? The one Barney Frank left when he ripped hardworking, taxpaying Transgender-Americans out of it? See that other huge chunk gone? You know, the one that would have protected us from unjust bigotry committed by those who hide behind religion to discriminate against and disparage those unlike themselves? That’s the real Democratic Congressional leadership in action, the one behind all the politically correct rhetoric and positive words. It’s important to remember that we can’t believe what they tell us because if there’s anything we’ve learned over the course of this battle it’s that until a member of Congress is actually willing to back up their words with their vote it’s nothing more than yet another meaningless hot air blast from DC.

We can only hope that this new study will inspire Congress to take a serious look at how they’ve been dealing with our issues, and how utterly antiquated their thinking is on the key political issues of our lives. I’m not holding my breath, mind you, but at least we can hope that finally we can get some real support from Congress so people like me don’t have to rip them to shreds again next year for selling out us and our basic civil rights under the law for the umpteenth time.

Congress gets it. We know they get it. They know we know they get it. And now, we have the stats to back it up.

It’s time to put up or shut up, Congressional Dems, because you may get through this election relatively unscathed, but if you folks screw us over again there will be hell to pay, and this time, we’re bringing friends, lots of them, and they’re a lot more powerful and influential than we are. Progressives are furious because now everyone knows how you’ve been treating us for years and they don’t like it anymore than we do. You know the tide has turned and it’s time for you people to join much of the rest of the country and the western world in the 21st century in terms of LGBT rights. Get over your bigotry, get over your cowardice, stand up like the leaders you’re supposed to be and do what you know needs to be done. No more bullshit, no more excuses. African-Americans had far less popular support when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed, but it passed because we had a President and a Congress that made it happen because they knew it was the right thing to do.

To my way of thinking, the transgender community now is like the odd smaller child who has been unmercifully bullied by old and larger children for years until finally one day he comes to school with a baseball bat and waits around the corner for those bullies to try to beat him up again. He stands and he waits, knowing that the moment those bullies try to throw that first punch again, he’s going for the home run swing to the head. He sees his tormentors coming down the street, he grips his bat tightly and waits for the punch to the gut he knows is coming…

What happens next? Well, that’s up to you folks in Congress. You want to be friends now? You want us to trust you? Why should we? We have dozens upon dozens of reasons not to believe anything you say, but what credible reason have we been given to believe you’re worthy of our trust? You’re still too scared to even mention us by name in the Party platform and somehow you think that kind of political cowardice is going gain you the trust of a minority group you’ve treated like crap now for decades? I mean, you have to be kidding, right?

Trust needs to be justified with action. Words are not enough because they never have been. If you’re ready to treat us like equals, Congress, then prove it. Don’t talk about it, do it. Since you’ve long since lost the right to expect the benefit of the doubt, it’s the only way most of us are going to take you seriously when you say you support us.

As a writer and a radio host, I know that words can and do matter. As an activist and political observer, I know that words coming from politicians mean nothing unless they’re backed up by action.

We’re behind that fence now, Congress, gripping our bat, pulling back to swing, waiting for the bullies to reach the corner…and here you come. We’re ready for you, and so are our big strong friends standing behind us, ready to jump in and hurt you like you’ve hurt us, over and over and over. The real question is: Are you ready for us?