Becky’s Blog

Yep, this time it’s Obama, plus I get into a bunch of other topics…

Get it here.

No, I’m not kidding, I actually have one.

I guess it all really started back in 2002, when Marti and I put together Trans-Sister Radio. As I’ve written before, the big motivator for us in creating TSR was to take on a topic that was being virtually ignored in the media, even in our own. It wasn’t until 2004, however, just around the time I began thinking about doing my own show, that I really decided to seriously try to get a job in mainstream radio.

John McMullen had told me to forget it, that I just wasn’t a proficient enough radio announcer for him to hire me for Sirius OutQ, and I was forced to admit he was right, I wasn’t. Despite that, I just couldn’t bring myself to throw in the towel and give up on the idea of being on the radio…I just couldn’t.

Between Gendertalk, GAYBC, and Sirius OutQ, I’d been a loyal listener of LGBT-oriented talk radio for about a decade. I knew what the standard was, how good I had to become in order to get someone like John McMullen to take me seriously as potential radio talent. I came to the conclusion, just as I had years previously when I decided to transition from male to female, that if I really wanted it bad enough I could have it, it was just going to require a hell of a lot of work. Knowing that, I decided to see if I could make it happen.

Over the time I’d been a listener, I’d become more and more vocal about the lack of transgender inclusion in media that claimed the LGBT definition. I found it totally frustrating that even though I’d been listening to Queer radio for all those years, with the single exception of Gendertalk, I hadn’t ever heard a transperson hosting a radio talk show, not even as a fill-in guest host or co-host, not even as a one-shot special event, not once. I don’t remember exactly when it was, but it was sometime around this point, soon after the time that I’d left the co-host slot on TransFM, that I said to myself “Y’know, I could do this. Sure there’s never been a transsexual talk show host in mainstream media, but there’s no reason why there could never be one, and there’s no good reason why that host couldn’t be me. I know the format backwards and forwards, I know the content, and I definitely can spout off with the best of them. Why couldn’t I be the first one?”. I decided that, for better or worse, I had to at least give it my best shot.

At the beginning, I kept my plans pretty close to my vest, telling only a few close friends. I’d always been a loyal listener, but now I really started paying attention for more than simply entertainment value. I paid particularly close attention to certain hosts, especially those I felt could the most to learn from. I made note of the topics they chose, the way they presented them, and the kind of listener response they got when they did. I took what worked for me, made it my own, and added my own unique spin and style to mix. I did frequent online searches for anything that might give me an edge, and I found plenty of useful information, much of which I still use today. I pumped hosts like Michelangelo Signorile and especially John McMullen for advice, taking what learned and incorporating it into my on-air work.

I was also incredibly fortunate to be able to find and work with Mike Scott, who’s also taught me quite alot about what it takes to create a truly professional-sounding radio show, especially about show structure and presentation. I was absolutely relentless in learning as much as I possibly could and practicing it until I was proficient. I spent a solid two years plus doing this, hosting my show, later adding a podcast, and then one day, I was listening to a show on mainstream radio (I honestly don’t remember which one), and realized I was able to listen to a working, professional radio host and honestly say to myself for the very first time “I’m better than that.”.

This realization sent me into overdrive. For the first time, I knew, really truly knew, that what I wanted was within my reach. By now, however, I also understood how much harder it was going to be to get hired at a professional radio station because I’m transsexual. I knew that I’d better focus on getting hired at Sirius OutQ, which at the time was probably the only radio network likely to even consider hiring me. I focused even more closely on learning every aspect of OutQ and the specific formats of its shows. I felt my own style to be closest to that of Michelangelo Signorile’s so I took certain stylistic cues from him, looked to John McMullen for format and structure ideas as well as performance critiques, and drew from a variety of other sources as well.

At the time I started this process, I knew if I were to actually be hired eventually, John, who was OutQ’s Program Director at the time, would be the one to do it, so I decided my most immediate task was impressing him and convincing him that I was now ready to do talk radio professionally. By the time I’d reached the point where I did accomplish that, though, John was no longer the PD at OutQ. He’d been replaced in that role by Dave Gorab, no longer had hiring power, and now was working for Sirius simply as a show host. Regardless, I knew that John is the master of creating this genre of radio, and I knew there was still plenty I could learn from him and use to improve my performance and my shows. I knew that if I could convince John that I was worth hiring, I had much better chance of getting the powers-that-be at Sirius to feel the same way. What I still didn’t realize at the time was that while John’s vision of LGBT-relevant talk radio is inclusive of transgender content and hosts and he had been open to the idea of putting a tranny on the air if one who could do the job to his standards could be found, Sirius really had no interest in hiring a tranny for on-air work, no matter how good they were.

By the time Larry Flick got in touch last year and asked if I’d be interested in doing some shows with the morning crew, I was chomping at the bit for some professional radio experience, so much so I really didn’t care if I got paid or not. I’d felt myself ready for some time by then, so I jumped at his offer, hoping that Sirius would take notice and at least give me something… a fill-in, more guest shots on different shows, a weekend show, something. One, two, three, shows went by, nothing. I wasn’t too bothered about it at this point, assuming that when the time was right they’d find me.

Two shows later, I got into an on-air discussion with Larry about New York City’s Halloween Parade, which was to be held that night. Larry took the position that the community should not attend to avoid possible violence, and my contention was that Halloween was the one day of the year when no one gave transgender people any crap and we should all get out there and enjoy the holiday. At one point during the conversation, I said probably the single most effective line I’ve ever uttered into a microphone “If we all stay home, they win.”.

It was like someone threw a switch. The calls started coming in, just about all of them supporting my position. I’d clearly hit a nerve, but that wasn’t the end of it. By the time I got home from the city that day, my podcast download numbers had exploded to about ten times what they were before.

I’d been promoting my shows on MySpace and elsewhere online with pretty decent results, but now I began self-promoting with a vengeance. I knew I’d just crossed that magic line from devout aficionado and amateur hobbyist to genuine community radio voice in the minds of many of the listeners. I also understood that I now had an opportunity to maximize that notoriety and turn this surge of interest into a real expansion of my listener base. I put a lot of effort into doing that, but at the same time, I also made a major mistake, one which I believe cost me a lot and for which I completely blame myself: I got a bit too arrogant and overconfident, and worst of all, I let it spill over into public spaces.

Things had taken a turn for the worse for John McMullen at Sirius, and I stepped up to defend him on MySpace, rather directly and bluntly as I am wont to do in situations when I believe a friend is being treated unfairly. Looking back now with perspective, I now think it very likely that the fact that John’s last day at Sirius and my last appearance on the morning show were the very same day, November 20th, was not at all a coincidence. By spouting off on MySpace, I’d publicly put myself at odds with not only Sirius management but also Derek Hartley, who I’d gotten into it with about the way John had been treated there. In doing this, I strongly believe that if ever there was a chance of my being hired for OutQ, it vanished in the wake of this public debate. It was totally my fault as I broke Commercial Media Rule #1: Don’t shit where you eat. Even though as it turned out it wasn’t the end of the road in professional radio for me I thought it might be at the time, it’s an important lesson learned that I doubt I’ll ever forget.

When John asked me if I wanted to be a part of GAYBC 2.0,  I felt like I’d won the lottery and broken the tape in a marathon at the same time.  I’d set myself a goal, to impress John and convince him I was worth hiring as professional on-air radio talent, and obviously, I’d done exactly that. At the same time, though, I also understood that this wasn’t an end, but a beginning.

When you do your own non-commercial Internet-based community radio show, you have the advantage of always being the final word on everything. There are no higher-ups to approve or disapprove, there’s no job to be fired from, no paycheck to lose. In short, you can do anything you want, any way you want to do it, and no one can tell you “no”. When you’re part of the on-air staff of a commercial radio network it’s no longer that simple. Then, it becomes the host’s job to give the boss or bosses what they want, to successfully fit herself and her content into a network framework created and administered by someone else, a very different thing entirely.

In that sense, TransFM  doesn’t really fit that particular definition of a radio network. The only real requirement Ethan has for shows on TFM is that they be created and/or hosted by a transperson. Beyond that, pretty much anything goes, with the only act I’ve ever seen cause a show or a host to come under fire from Ethan, resulting in eventual ejection from the network’s lineup, is a violation Commercial (and obviously, Non-Commercial) Media Rule #1.

Ethan booted “The Talking Tranny” show from the network for bashing other TransFM shows. I’ve often wondered if I’d have taken the same action he did. There are good arguments on both sides, but I think the one that’s most compelling for me is still the most basic. What she was doing, in Ethan’s opinion, was hurting the network and therefore it had to stop. Looking at it from that perspective, I can’t help but agree. I’m also pretty glad that it wasn’t me who had to make that decision, though.

And so, here we are, standing in the doorway to the future. For the first time ever, a commercial radio network will feature a transgender host as part of their on-air staff, providing news information, and discussion of that which is relevant to the lives of transgender people.  While it certainly may seem like a bigger deal to me than to most people simply because I’m so close to it, it is a first and I think it’s an important one.

For the first time in any real sense, it’s not just our faces but our culture and our politics that will be presented to a more mainstream media consumer than those who are likely to tune into something like a TransFM or a QMO. We’ll be heard on HD radio soon. For those with HD-capable radios, GAYBC will be as accessible as any local radio station in the markets where it’s broadcast…and that means so will we.

Consider what this means. While the number of HD radio users many not be earth-shattering now, imagine what it’ll be like when both the content and the hardware become truly competitive with satellite and traditional broadcast radio. Once HD radio is as accessible as traditional AM and FM, there’s no doubt in my mind that HD radio will take over just as quickly as CD’s eclipsed vinyl records and floppy discs. We couldn’t ask for a better chance to be heard in the mainstream.

That’s a big part of what it’s about for me. I believe it’s time we started being seen, as gays and lesbians are finally beginning to be, as just another culture, another color in the vast quilt that is the diversity of this country and this world. As we’ve seen so often, true acceptance and incorporation of minorities and their cultural identities into the greater culture of America is not legislated, but rather is won in large part through the media.

It has to start somewhere, so I guess it might as well start with me.

If you’ve got some thoughts on what you’d like to hear on the radio, email me or post ‘em here. Thanks!