I had someone IM me off of OkCupid and ask me about my profile. They liked my writing style and asked me a lot of questions about profile writing. It wasn’t a relationship, connection kinda IM, but one of me helping her. During the conversation, I talked about why I wasn’t hopeful finding relationships at all. I explained that I am trans, and she said that I should be more obvious about it, that I was being dishonest.
I always thought it was obvious that if you look at my profile you’d know I’m a transsexual. I put links to my personal blog, my transadvocate blog, and I’ve discussed it in this journal. The reality of my life is that I am transbodied. My hormones, my skin, fat distribution, and my breasts are consistent with a female body. I’ve not had surgery yet, so genitally, I’m a non-functioning male that’s been chemically castrated. Is that something I need to put in my profile?
What I’ve learned in my life is that MOST men and women are full of shit when they say it’s more about love than it is genitals. If that were true I’d have people breaking down my damn door. I’m not ugly, I’m employed, I’m a writer, I’m intelligent, I’m funny, and I’m compassionate.
I don’t put it as a central focus in my profile because it’s not a central focus in my life. Thing is, I’m unique in so many different ways, I don’t think I’ll ever have a long term partner ever again. I’m poly, I don’t believe in sexual labels, and I’m trans. The layering in that is too deep to understand or even explain in a website.
I put my profiles on different sites hoping that my message in a bottle connects with someone enough on here to want strike up a conversation. But like that stranded traveler, I don’t put out much hope.
*hums the Gilligan theme*
Do you think I’m being dishonest? If so, how could I state that I’m a transsexual without bring in the fetishists that are looking for sexual encounters (put transgender or transsexual in your profile and that’s what you’ll get). How can I expect someone to see past my transsexuality, if I make it a main focus?
(I originally posted this at my OkCupid journal):